


Head Sick

by compulsivegrin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Awkward Boners, Bottom Eren Yeager, Cinnamon roll Armin, Cutting, Eating Disorders, Eventual Smut, Female Hange Zoë, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Minor Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Minor Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart, Minor Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer, Past Levi/Erwin Smith, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Schizophrenia, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Yaoi, ereri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-06-02 18:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6578098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/compulsivegrin/pseuds/compulsivegrin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Yeager may be celebrating the worst birthday a 19 year old could ever imagine. Instead of eating cake or partying with friends, he secures himself a spot on the 8th floor of Trost's Memorial Hospital. Eren has no desire to get better, and is determined to finish what he started when he is released. That is, until he meets the wards scariest orderly. Levi Ackerman.</p><p> </p><p>*Please do not copy any of the fic, it belongs to me*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Loony Bin

**Author's Note:**

> Please be patient with me as I get the hang of how to space out sentences and such, this is my first fanfic, and all you wonderful writers on here have inspired me to give this a shot :) Thank you all so much! Constructive criticism is always appreciated! <3 Also, the first chapter is quite short, the rest will be longer :)

"His pulse seems stable for now, do we have any information yet?"

  
_What's happening? What am I hearing? Everything is black.._

"Patient's name is Eren Yeager, 18 year old male. His sister is the one who made the call, I guess she found him in the bathroom. Say's she was dropping in to check on him."

  
_Found me? What does that mean?_

"Poor girl, can you imagine walking in on your brothers suicide attempt? Kinda selfish if you ask me.."

_Suicide attempt?_

  
_Wait.._

_That's right. I took all those pills.._

_Oh God, no! Mikasa found me?_

_No, please, no._

 

"Shit, we're losing him again! I need the paddles, STAT!"

 

_This can't be happening.._

 

"Okay, everyone stand back.."

 

_Am I.._

 

"Clear!"

 

_Dead..?_

 

* * *

 

"He keeps drifting in and out of sleep. Should we leave him be for now?"

  
"No can do. We need to move him soon, you know how they are up on eighth."

 

"Yeah, yeah. The people who work up there are almost as crazy as the patients."

 

"Pixis! Geez, you never know whose listening around here!"

 

_Fuck, why is it so bright? Everything in here is white. The floors, the walls, the bed I'm laying in. What is this?_

 

"Oh good, you're awake! I'm Hannes, and this is Dot. And your file says that you're Eren Yeager? Nice to meet you."

 

My eyes adjust to the light just enough to observe the man leaning over me. He's tall, blonde, and appears to be in his early 40's. I don't have to turn my head far to see another man, presumably Dot, pushing a wheelchair towards me. I'm in a hospital. I can tell by the smell alone, and it's making me queasy.

 

"Alright Eren, we're going to get you into this wheel chair.. Easy does it!" Hannes leans me forward and helps me to my feet.

 

"A-am I.." Shit. My throat is too dry. I can't even speak. The two men sit me down in the chair.

 

"Here you go," Dot hands me a cup of water as if he read my mind. "Figured you'd be thirsty after being in and out for a few days."

I choke a few gulps in and Hannes pats me on the back.

 

"A few days? H-how? What happened?" The sick feeling in my stomach grows worse when I see the look on Hannes' face. He won't make eye contact with me and scratches the back of his head. He's not going to tell me anything. 

 

"Ah, don't worry, Eren. They'll update you on everything once we get you upstairs." Dot speaks before Hannes has to.

 

"Upstairs? Why am I going upstairs? I'm not going home?" I'm confused. I just want to go back to sleep. Why is this happening?

 

"It's where your new room is. No worries, kid. Like Dot said, they'll explain everything once we get you situated up there." Hannes pushes my wheelchair into a nearby elevator and hits the button for the eighth floor.

_  
_

_Where could they possibly be moving me to? What was wrong with my old room?_

 

It doesn't take me long to notice a sign in the elevator with a list of what's on the different floors. My eyes scan the sign. The sixth floor is the maternity ward, the seventh is radiology, and the eighth is..

 

" _Bing_!" The elevator chimes to alert us that we've arrived at our destination. The doors open to reveal a man in a blue dress shirt and tie sporting a name tag that reads 'Erwin Smith'. He's blonde like Hannes, but bigger in an athletic way. His eyebrows are thick and his eyes are blue. 

 

"Hello, Eren. I've been waiting for you. Welcome to the adult mental health ward."

_  
_

_The loony bin._

_Fuck._

 

* * *

 

Erwin's office is far more inviting than the hospital room I'd apparently spent the last 3 days in. It's not as bright or cold and the walls are a moss green color. Erwin is sitting across from me, paying attention to every move I make. It's starting to stress me out. He can probably tell.

 

"Eren, can you tell me what you remember?" He leans back in his chair. It looks expensive.

 

"I, uh.. I don't really know. I guess I accidentally took too many asprin." I'm afraid to look at Erwin's face, so instead I stare down at my hands while picking at my thumb.

 

"You accidentally took 9 asprin all at once?" His voice implies he's not convinced.

 

I would have taken more, but that's all that was left in the bottle. Fuck, if the bottle had been full I wouldn't be stuck here dealing with this right now..

 

"Eren.. It's a good thing that your sister thought to drop by three days ago to check on you."

 

Mikasa! Shit! I forgot she was the one who found me!

 

"Mikasa.. Where is she!? Is she okay!?" I start to panic. My hand dives to my hip to check for my phone, but I'm wearing a hospital gown and my cell is nowhere in sight. "My phone-"

 

"It's with your sister. They're permitted on the ward. Mikasa is okay, and she will be happy to visit you later today once we get you settled in." Erwin interjects. He writes something down on the clipboard in front of him. "Try and focus for now, Eren. The sooner we finish here, the faster we can get your sister here to visit you." He can tell that Mikasa is an important person in my life and I'm sure he's going to use it to his advantage. "Do you remember what happened after you took the asprin?"

 

Damn.. I don't have a hope in hell of winning an argument with him. This guy is reading me like an open book. I'll make sure to be more careful in the future..

 

"Uh, yeah.. The room started to spin and I got all sweaty. I think I threw up. I don't remember much after that though. I think I was in an ambulance when I heard people talking. A guy asked for paddles? But that's really all.." I'm telling the truth and don't want to remember anything else. I'm tired and my head is killing me. I start rubbing the side of my temple.

 

"Okay Eren, we can be done for today. Let's get you to your room." His voice is soothing. He picks up the phone on his desk and lets someone know I'm ready to be taken to the ward.

 

Suddenly my dumb ass realizes I'm actually being admitted to a crazy ward.

 

"Uh- um.. Erwin? Can I just.. Go home instead? I'm feeling a lot better.. And.." I hate how pathetic I sound. It's disgusting.

There's a knock at Erwin's door.

 

 "I'm sorry Eren. You've been put on a suicide watch for the next little while. We will talk more about it when I see you again. For now though, I'm afraid you don't have a choice." Erwin opens the door and tells me Hannes will be bringing me over to the ward.

 

Hannes starts wheeling me down the hall away from Dr. Smith's office.

 

There's no way I'm staying here..

I'll run to the elevators and leave the building! I just have to stand up..

 

A hand falls onto my shoulder before I get the chance to stand.

"Don't do it kid. They've got this place crawling with security, and you haven't moved or eaten in days. You won't get very far. Plus, once they catch you, they'll add more time onto your stay." Hannes tightens his grip on my shoulder before releasing it completely.

 

"Seriously, even the porter can read me?" Shit! was that out loud?

 

"You wouldn't be the first, and certainly not the last. Not many people come to this place willingly. And I've seen it get pretty messy. Figuratively and literally." He chuckles. 

 

"I don't think I wanna know.." I decide not to offend my brain with the details.

 

A few more steps and we stop in front of two big doors. Hannes swipes a card under a scanner on the wall. The light above the doors turns green and I hear a loud click. They unlock and open automatically. He wheels me down the hall, passing rooms belonging to the other patients. The ward isn't as big as I thought it would be, and before I know it I'm in my room. It's the second from the end and the nurses station is directly across the hall.

 

"Well Eren, that's all for me. I'm up here pretty often, so I'll probably see you tomorrow, if not, the next day." Hannes takes a look at the chart on my door and mumbles an "Oh boy" under his breath, followed by another small chuckle.

 

"What? What is it?" What the hell is there to laugh at in a place like this?

 

"This here, is your chart. It says who your nurse is going to be for the next 24 hours." He points at the file sitting in the plastic holder attached to my door.

 

"Okay, but.. Why is that funny?" I barely get the chance to finish my sentence before the door flies open. The person who enters is wearing thick glasses and beige dress pants cuffed up to just under the knees. The outfit is topped off with a ridiculously abstract button down shirt.

 

"Hello boys! Ah, you must be Eren! I'm Hange! And it appears I'm your nurse for the day!"

 


	2. What Crazy Really Looks Like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren meets a few of the nurses and patients on the ward. Everything goes fairly smooth until he runs into a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I'm not sure why it keeps saving the text so terribly. It's not like that when I go to post, but it changes once actually posted. I'd love if someone could tell me how I can fix this. Thanks!

If it wasn't for the nurses ID around her neck, I'd swear Hange was a patient. Craziness aside, she's good at her job. She gets right down to work and I tell her everything I'd told Erwin. She scribbles notes manically and far more often than Erwin had. It's almost as if she's studying me. She hands me a folder filled with papers I need to complete. Most of it is signing confidentiality forms in case I run into someone I know on the ward. I sign them not giving it much thought. I don't know many people and the ones I do know seem to be living pretty happy lives. The only person I'm afraid of running into here is my father. He's a pediatrician and works down on the 3rd floor. I wonder if he knows I'm here.. 

Hange interrupts my train of thought when she pulls out the next piece of paper. "Alrighty! So with this one, I need you to answer as honestly as you possibly can." For some reason that makes me feel sick. She hands me a questionnaire. Most of them seem fairly easy and are pure common sense, asking basic information about who I am, where I live, what sort of hobbies I have, whether or not I smoke, and so on and so forth. However, I find the last handful to be awkward and I don't know what to do. Have you ever been abused? Is the abuse ongoing? Who is the abuser? Do you wet the bed? Do you self harm? Do you have any self harm scars? If so, where? These are the remaining questions I'd left blank. Not because I don't know how to answer them, but because I don't want to be honest about them.

"I know it can be tough Eren, but It's really important that you complete these. " Hange notices the few I'd left unanswered.

"I just.. I don't.. Know how." My hand starts shaking. I glance over the questions again. I decide to answer the ones about self harm. I know they'll figure it out eventually anyways. All it takes is one glance at my wrist. 

Do you self harm? _Yes_

Do you have any self harm scars? _Yes_

If so, where? _Wrists_

I decide to leave out that I also have scars on my thighs since they're always covered. But the chance of someone catching a glimpse at my wrists are pretty high. Hanji praises me for answering three of the remaining questions. As for the abuse question, I really don't know what to write down. My dad's abused me ever since my mom died, emotionally, mentally, and physically. But how am I suppose to answer that? Yeah, my dad beats me and you all know him because he works just 5 floors below where I'm currently standing. The thought of that alone makes me shudder. I figure a little bit of lying isn't going to matter considering I don't actually want anyone's God damned help anyways.

Have you ever been abused?  _Yes_

Is the abuse ongoing?  _No_

Who is the abuser?  _N/A_

Only one more. Maybe once I'm done Hange will let me take a nap. Now let's see..

The bed wetting question.

_Fuck._

There's no way I'm going to admit to that, and besides, It only seems to happen when I'm at home in my own bed. It's never happened when spending the night at Mikasa's place. And I stay there almost as often as I stay at home. I guess I'd been spending less time there ever since Annie moved in a few weeks ago. Don't get me wrong, I like her, I just don't want to invade their space or stress their relationship. 

Do you wet the bed?  _No_

I complete the quiz and pass it back to nurse Hange. 

"Excellent! See? That wasn't so bad, hey?" She smiles and hops to her feet. "I'll make this next bit as short as possible so you can relax for a couple hours before dinner.Showers are done in the evening between nine and ten. Everyone must be out of the common area by ten thirty at the latest, however you can have the light on in your room until eleven." She pauses briefly to verify that I'm paying attention. "Wake up calls are done between seven thirty and seven forty five, and breakfast is at eight. You will have appointments with Erwin twice a week on Mondays and Fridays. Lunch is at noon, dinner is at five. The dining room is available to use after lunch and dinner for arts and crafts, or just to hang out. The common room gets dull rather quickly." Hange hands me a pair of sweat pants and a black t-shirt to wear until Mikasa brings my things after dinner. Before she finishes, she explains that I'm going to have round the clock surveillance for the first 72 hours. I might get 48 if the nurses and Erwin feel that I'm doing well enough. Here I was, thinking I was going to get a break from Hange, but it looks like I'm stuck with her until the end of her shift. Fantastic. 

 

I can't sleep at all during the two and a half hours until dinner. I choose to believe it's because Hange is sitting no more than six feet away from my bed. I lay facing the wall just listening to the sound of her rugged writing. I guess when nurses are on suicide watch, they really have nothing to do but paper work. I keep circling back to the thought of Mikasa finding me half dead on the bathroom floor. 

_Good job, Eren. You even suck at killing yourself._

I sink my face further into the mattress. Why did it have to end up this way? Would it have worked if I'd tried something different?

Hange detects my restlessness in no time. "It will get easier, Eren. I mean, the sleeping while being watched thing." I hear her set down the clipboard she's been using. "Also, you won't be staying in this room. It's only for new patients who.. Well, you know.. After your watch is up, you will be moving into a room down the hall with a roommate. You got lucky, because Armin's old room mate left two days ago. And believe me, you couldn't ask for a better roomie than him." She pauses for a moment. "It can get lonely in here surprisingly fast. It's best for you to make some friends here. Besides, you're all living within 150 meters of each other. It's easier if you get along."

 

I understand where Hange is coming from, but the last thing I want is to socialize with a floor full of whack jobs. I can only imagine what they're going to be like.. There's a soft tapping at my door, followed by an unpleasantly loud "Come in!" by nurse Hange.

 

"Ah, Hanji, dinner is ready." I lift my face from the mattress it was buried in and see a short lady with shoulder length auburn hair and kind eyes. "Hello there. You must be Eren. Nice to meet you, I'm Petra." 

 

"Woo! I'm starved. Common' Eren, I'm sure you could use a good meal." Hange extends her hand out to me in order to help me up from my bed. I take her offer because she is undoubtedly the kind of person who won't take 'no' for an answer. "You alright?" she catches me as my knees give out a bit. "Yeah, I think so. I just, haven't been mobile for a while.." 72 hours to be exact. Too bad the suicide watch doesn't start until you're conscious, otherwise mine could have been done and over with by now. 

 

Petra offers me the wheelchair, but I decline. I don't want to draw any more attention to myself than necessary. I don't actually need it anyways. I follow Petra as she leads me into the hall towards the dining area, Hange following no more than a step and a half behind me. The common area and dining room have big glass windows for walls, that way the nurses can see where everyone is at all times I guess. Before entering the dining area, I can count six people already sitting there with their trays. My stomach feels like it's crawling up my throat. I really don't want to be anywhere near these people, I just want to go home. Hange leaves me with Petra and takes her food over to the nurses station. She must be on break. Petra Takes a tray with my name on it from the cart and leads me through the doorway to sit with the other patients. She gently pats me on the back and takes a seat at the first table beside a patient with a cute blonde bob. I think a boy, but I'm not totally sure yet. There's only one other person sitting at this table and it's a tall boy with freckles and short black hair parted down the middle.  

 

The boy with the black hair offers me a seat beside him, directly across the table from the blonde. "Hey, I'm Marco. It's really nice to meet you." His smile is by far the sweetest that I've ever seen. He's overly polite and even more friendly. It confuses me. 

 

"Oh, hi. I'm, uh.. Eren." I'm weary about giving this guy my name, but he's so damn kind I feel like I don't have a choice. As soon as I tell him, the blonde one on the other side of the table perks right up and shoots their hand out towards me. 

 

"Ah, I'm sorry, Eren. I'm Armin." Okay, he's a boy. He makes eye contact with me for a moment before retreating his gaze back to his outstretched arm.

 

Wait a second.. Armin? I think this is the guy Hanji said I'll be rooming with. I wonder if he knows about it yet.. I accept his handshake, mesmerized by how I've never seen such beautiful blue eyes in my life. I must be staring because he has to ask if I'm alright. Shit. Now I'm the creepy new psych patient. I take a minute to do a quick observation around the room. There's a male nurse sitting at the second table along with three girls roughly my age. If I had to guess, I'd say all of the patients here are under 22 years old. One of the girls is eating a different meal than the rest of us. She's quite thin and all of her hair, with the exception of her bangs, is tied back in a pony tail. The nurse at their table won't take his eyes off of of her. It's kind of weird. I think his name tag says Oluo, and he looks grumpy. Nothing like the other two nurses I'd met thus far. He has a wavy light brown undercut, and appears to be in his mid thirties. He addresses the girl with the curly light brown bob as 'Hitch' while telling her something. She laughs and makes a sarcastic comment back at him before returning to her conversation with the third girl. This girl has a slightly darker skin tone than the rest of us and short black hair parted down the side. She appears to be contributing no more than ten percent to the conversation going on between her and Hitch.

"Is this it for patients?" I ask quietly while moving my food around the plate in front of me. I'm trying to make it look like I've eaten something.

"No. There are actually three others, but they had passes today. They'll be getting back anytime between six and seven." Petra replies.

I look up at the clock and notice that It's quarter after five. For the next fifteen minutes I listen to Armin and Marco make small talk with Petra, and learn that the girl with the pony tail is Sasha, and the other is named Ilse. Hange returns from her break and Armin invites me to the common room to show me around. I agree to go, and Hange pulls up a chair near the entrance of the room to give us some space. Armin shows me the games, the T.V, and the book shelves. He admits the books aren't the greatest, but will gladly lend me his any time. I thank him, and we sit down on two beanbag chairs near the book shelving units. 

"First couple days can be tough, I know. But it really does get easier here, I promise." His eyes look like the ocean and I feel like they're staring right into my soul. "I hear you're going to be rooming with me in a few days? That's great, I've been sort of lonely since Thomas left." Armin pauses. "You're curious about how everyone got here, aren't you?" That gets my full attention. 

"Oh.. Yeah, I guess I am. It's just.. None of you seem.. I don't know.. Um.." Shit, how the hell do I word this?

"Crazy?" Armin finishes my sentence perfectly and continues with a soft laugh. "I think everyone assumes this place is going to be a zoo full of people constantly having meltdowns. I know I thought the same thing when I was admitted."

 

"If you don't mind, Armin.. Why are these people here?" I feel bad asking and look down at my hands. Picking at my nails is undeniably one of my nervous gestures. He smiles and places his hand on my shoulder before giving me the basics on my new housemates. Marco is here because he has post traumatic stress disorder. Ilse is a recovering addict and was admitted for a breakdown due to hearing voices that aren't there. Hitch was admitted for some sort of extreme behavioral issues, and Sasha suffers from a binge/bulimic eating disorder. After covering the other patients, Armin tells me that he's been on the ward for six months. He actually checked himself in because of how bad his depression was getting. He also has a crippling anxiety disorder that cost him his job and friends. I actually like Armin, and I'm thankful that he's going to be my roommate. 

 

We stay sitting on the beanbag chairs and I tell him that I'm here because I tried to kill myself. I try to tell him more, but he can tell it's difficult for me and lets me know we can talk about it later if I'd like to. 

 

We're just about to start a game of scrabble when Hange calls out "Ah! Welcome back!" 

I turn my head towards the entrance of the common room, and prepare myself to meet another one of my 'housemates'.

Hange continues, "Ah Eren, this is-"

__

 

__

_No fucking way_

__

 

__

"Jean?!" I blurt out.

__

 

__

He looks at me with absolute disgust. "Eren Fucking Yeager"

__

 

__

_Oh God, this is bad._

__

 

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll explain more about Jean and Eren's background in the next chapter, thanks for all your comments, they make writing a lot easier for me. :) Also, the male nurse is NOT LEVI, to clarify! I added his name in, and it is indeed Oluo.


	3. Tomorrow Will Be Easier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is a bit slow, but please know there's good news in the end notes :)  
> Also, some stuff had to be covered, and this chapter did a decent job of getting it done. Leave a comment and let me know what you think! I promise the next chapter will be more interesting!

Hange is quick to her feet, "Hey, language Jean!" she glances back and forth between the two of us. "I'm sensing a lot of friction between the two of you.. Would either of you care to enlighten me?"

I can feel Armin tense up beside me. It's clear the situation is causing him to feel uneasy. Before I can even begin to organize my thoughts, Jean speaks.

"He's not worth wasting a conversation over, trust me." He scoffs and starts to leave the room, "Figures you'd wind up here, Yeager. You belong here." 

My knuckles are white from clenching my fists so tight. Jean Kirstein never fails to get my blood boiling. The truth is we were actually friends at one point. The two of us met in kindergarten, we use to attend each others birthday's, play soccer together, and hang out after school. Once we got to the age where hormones became relevant, Jean developed the hots for Mikasa. He only wanted to come over to see my sister, and it made me jealous. I know it's stupid, but I sort of had a crush on Jean at the time. I don't think I'm gay though.. I'm sure it was just some little kid thing..

Anyways, I wrote a fake letter to him from Mikasa and convinced him to read it in front of our friends. It basically said that she would never be interested in a guy like him, which wasn't a lie. Jean is a month younger than me, and Mikasa is three years older. Plus, she's gay.

Jean was furious with me. It was only a few months later that my mom died. He never even came to her funeral. What kind of shitty person abandons their best friend while they're dealing with their mothers death? A year later, we tried to patch things up and started talking again. He spent the night at my place. Everything seemed to be going well but I wet the bed, and when we woke up, he noticed before I did. He told everyone at school. After that incident we completely stopped being civil with each other. He and all the other kids bullied me for the next two years until we graduated from public school. Lucky for me we went to different high schools. The only time we ever saw each other after that was in passing on the street or at the corner store. Every time he saw me, he'd flash me that shit eating grin that tempts me to pound a hole right in the middle of his stupid horse face.

I couldn't care any less about Jean, however, I can't help wonder how he wound up here. I make a mental note to ask Armin about it later.

"Eren, I'm sorry, I'm guessing his pass didn't go so great and that's why he's in a sour mood.." Hange kneels down beside me.

I lean back into the beanbag I'd been situated in. "I highly doubt that.." How the hell can a pompous ass like him put me in a shitty mood by speaking no more than a sentence and a half? 

Hange sighs and gets back to her feet. She heads into the hallway for a minute, flagging down Petra. I can't tell what it is they're talking about but after they finish talking, Petra heads off in the direction Jean had. I hope he gets more time added on to his stay here.

"So.. You obviously know Jean?" Armin pulls my head out of the clouds and back into reality.

"Ah, yeah.." I'm picking at my nails again. "We've known each other since we were five."

"That long, huh?" Armin glances down the scrabble board. "We don't have to play right now.." He's awful at hiding how much he was looking forward to it.

I pick up the bag with all the tiles inside. "No, I guess not. But I'd still like to." I pull out 7 tiles then offer him the pouch.

His eyes brighten and a smile lights up his face. Armin nods, and starts picking out his. How can he be this adorable? I need to keep reminding my brain that he's a guy. Anyways, I really like him and he's just about the only kind of person I'd want to spend time with while I'm stuck here.

 

We play scrabble for about an hour until a nurse whose badge reads 'Nifa' enters the room. "Hey Hange. Eren's sister is here with his things." 

Hange tilts her head in my direction, but before she can speak, I'm on my feet asking Armin if we can continue our game in an hour. Of course he's happy to wait and says he'll be in the same spot reading a book when I get back. Honestly, we could end the game now because there isn't a hope in hell that I'll catch up, but I'm actually enjoying spending time with him.

I almost trip and fall on my face once I see Mikasa and start running towards her. She drops my things and catches me in a hug. Hange meets us in the hallway and introduces herself to my sister. While heading back to my room, she explains how my stuff will need to be inspected to ensure everything's safe for me to have, and that I'm on round the clock supervision. Hange says she will leave us alone to visit after she goes through my bag. I'm thankful for that. Mikasa brought me four outfits and 2 pairs of pajamas. She also brought my DS and charger which Hange says is fine, but the charger has to be kept at the front desk along with the pencil, pencil sharpener and pills. They obviously aren't going to let me anywhere near a bottle of pills as long as I'm here. 

I look at the bottle, but they aren't pills I'd seen before. "Hey, what are these?" 

Mikasa and Hange exchange glances before addressing me. "Eren, I just had those filled today. They're going to help with your depression.."

I read the label. Prozac? They're putting me on Prozac?! I'm about to protest that I don't need them, but how can I? The person who walked in on my failed suicide attempt is standing right there, looking at me with a face full of anguish and fear. Instead, I choose not to acknowledge what she's said and continue to empty the suitcase. The only things left are a sketchbook and a picture of mom helping Mikasa and I build a sand castle. I remember that day really well. Dad packed up the car with towels, umbrellas, shovels and pails and mom worked all morning packing a picnic lunch for the four of us. The closest beach is more than 2 hours away from our house, so we didn't get to go often. It's one of my best memories from my childhood. 

Hange takes the few things that need to be kept behind the counter and lets us know she will be back in forty five minutes. I thought I wanted the privacy, but now I wish Hange had stayed. I don't know what to talk about, and I'm scared to start a conversation. Mikasa takes a seat on my bed and places her hand on top of mine.

"Eren." She says softly. "It's going to be okay."

I don't know what it is about what she said, but suddenly I feel warmth pricking at the back of my eyes.  
_Come on Eren, hold it together._

"I'm alright Eren. I'm just glad you're safe." Mikasa pulls my head into her chest and starts rubbing my back.

It's only a few seconds later that I realize I'm sobbing into her arms. Tears are staining my cheeks, and my breathing is ragged. I don't want to think about how pitiful I look right now, it's humiliating.

After my episode, it takes me a few minutes to calm down and stop bawling like a child. I really hope Jean didn't hear me..

_Wait.. That's right.._

"Jean's here!" I blurt out.

Mikasa loosens the grasp she had on me and leans her head to the side in order to make eye contact. "Kirstein?" she asks.

I nod to confirm. "But I signed a confidentiality sheet when I was admitted.. So, just don't say anything to anyone." 

Mikasa agrees but reminds me that she will probably run into him while visiting me at some point anyways. I don't want to talk about me, so I quickly shift the conversation and ask how Annie is doing. Mikasa gets the hint and agrees to let me feel like a normal person for the remainder of our visit. She tells me that Annie and her have been thinking of getting a cat which bewilders me because Mikasa hates cats. That being said though, she would do just about anything for Annie. She also tells me she's been picking up extra shifts at work so that she can start saving tuition money for the Fall. It's March, so she has about 5 months to get a decent amount together. Time flies by and suddenly Hange is back in my room letting me know it's time for Mikasa to head out. It's strange, for a few minutes I totally forgot where I was. Hange tells Mikasa she's welcome to visit as often as she can between 6 and 8 PM. 

Before we reach the doors I'd come through earlier in the day, Mikasa stops. "Oh, Eren, is it alright if I bring Annie tomorrow? The two of us have a gift for you."

"Yeah, sure. But a gift? How come?" I was unaware you receive gifts when you land yourself in a mental institution.

Mikasa looks at me with a puzzled expression. "Eren, tomorrow is your birthday." 

I have to admit, I didn't have much on my mind other than killing myself, and completely forgot about my birthday.  
"Oh yeah.. I guess it is." I realize that sounded terribly dry. Maybe I should have tried to sound a bit more excited about it, but I'm really not.

Mikasa hugs me and lets me know that her and Annie will be back as soon as visiting hours begin tomorrow. I thank her for coming and try to hide how sad I am to see her go, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work. Not only am I a terrible liar but I also can't hide anything from her, feelings included.  
Hange takes me back to my room so that I can shower before returning to the common area. It's a bit awkward because she has to sit right outside of the bathroom with the door wide open. I'm quick to wash myself and once I finish, I grab the towel that Hange left hanging over the shower bar for me. I change into a pair of the pajamas Mikasa packed with a grey shirt and matching red and grey plaid bottoms. We head back to the common area where Armin has patiently awaited my arrival. He flashes me that gorgeous smile again and pats the beanbag chair beside him inviting me over. I make my way past Sasha and Hitch who are now accompanied by a guy I haven't met yet. They all smile at me as I walk past them and head towards Armin.

I was right about not being able to catch up to Armin. We finish our game around 10:15 and he's totally destroyed me by over 150 points.

"Jesus, Armin. You're really good." I compliment him while packing up the game. "I use to play with my mom as a kid. Even then I never won, but she never beat me that bad!" I freeze for a second. I haven't talked about my mom with someone in years..

A slight blush appears atop his cheeks. "My grandpa and I play all the time. He taught my mom how to play when she was young, but never could beat her. She was really smart." He stares at the scrabble box. _Was_ really smart? Does that mean Armin lost his mom too?

Hange's voice impedes my train of thought. "Alright kiddos! It's about that time."

The other patients head back to their rooms , waving to Hange on their way out, while I say goodnight to Armin. He tells me to try to get some sleep and that he'll see me in the morning. Hange and I head back to my room. She lets me know that I'll have a different nurse when I wake up tomorrow because her shift ends at 6 AM. Call me crazy- no pun intended- but I actually like Hange. I brush my teeth and take the pills Mikasa had filled for me. I don't want to take them, but it's impossible not to with this round the clock supervision thing. I turn out the lights and crawl into bed. "Well Eren, the first day is always the hardest, but you made it!" Hange is wearing a headlamp and flicks the switch on so she can fill out more paper work. She's gotta be the hardest working nurse I've ever seen. "Tomorrow will be easier, and it's your birthday!" 

Oh yeah, because I'm so pumped to be spending it here. "Yeah, sure.." I tug the blanket over my head and shut my eyes. I didn't realize how exhausted I was until my head hit the pillow. 

_Tomorrow will be easier.._  
I sure hope so..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who Eren finally meets in the next chapter? :)  
> UPDATE, this chapter is taking me a bit longer than expecter, I'll post it tomorrow for sure :) I just dont want to rush it, you know :) ?


	4. Two Truths and a Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's second day on the ward is also his birthday, and it's turning out to be anything but happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait, but I wanted to get it just right :) Thank you all for sticking around!

"Eren? It's time to wake up." A woman's voice threatens my slumber, but my head remains under the covers.

"Nnnn.." I lay still hoping that the person trying to drag me out of bed will give up and let me sleep for a while longer.  
I'm wrong, suddenly the blanket keeping me cozy is gone and I'm left curled up trying to keep warm. I groan.

"Breakfast is going to be here in ten minutes, and as much as I don't care what you look like when you go out there, I'm thinking you're going to want to fix you hair." The voice adds. 

I blink a few times so I can adjust to the light, then I get my first glance at the nurse who will be dealing with me today. Her silver hair sits just below her ears and matches the color of her eyes perfectly. They're sort of cold. She's definitely not going to be anything like nurse Hange. I push myself to sit up and allow my legs to hang over the bedside while stretching my arms out in front of me. I yawn.

"About time. I'm Rico." She flips over her wrist to peek at her watch. It's the same way my dad wears his. "It's 8:50." 

Upon standing, everything goes black for a few seconds. I guess I should have eaten yesterday. I wait for it to go away completely before continuing to the bathroom. Rico was right about my hair, it looks like I was caught in a wind tunnel. I wet it a bit and splash my face with water before re entering my room. 

Rico assesses my new hair situation, "Much better." She peers down at my chart as we head into the hallway. "Ah, so it's your birthday?"

Jesus, how can I keep forgetting this? "Oh.. Yeah, it is." I try to react normally, but I'm not really sure I know what normal is.

Rico hands me my tray and I follow her into the dining room. I'm thankful to see Armin sitting in the same spot he'd been in yesterday and I take a seat beside him. Hitch and Ilse are sitting with the same boy from yesterday whom I still don't know, and Marco comes in right behind me and pulls out the chair across from Armin. Rico isn't sitting with us at our table, instead, she's in the corner with her legs crossed, eating yogurt. 

"How was your first night?" Armin questions while pulling apart his croissant. 

I shrug and start to butter mine. "It wasn't too bad. I fell asleep pretty quickly, I guess you worked my brain too hard in our Scrabble game." 

He chuckles. Not a minute later Sasha enters, accompanied by a different man than yesterday. I notice this one isn't wearing a nurses badge.

"Armin, why isn't that guy wearing an I.D like the other nurses do?" I'm noticing how scary he looks. This guy is towering over everyone! He's got to be nearly 6 foot 5.

Armin responds quietly. "That's because Mike's not a nurse, he's an orderly. They're nurses assistants who are good at restraining patients when necessary."

I don't doubt that at all. Mike is a pretty scary guy to look at. He's got shaggy blonde hair, and a 'rough around the edges' look to him. His eyes are narrow and his facial hair is short but dark. I wonder if he's ever had to restrain Sasha before..

Midway through that thought, a tall girl who looks to be around 24 enters the room. She has less freckles than Marco and her dark brown hair is pulled back in a ponytail, with the exception of her bangs. She's laughing about something and that's when I notice who enters right behind her..

_Jean._

I tense up but try to pretend he isn't there and hope that he'll do the same. I'm staring down at my breakfast when I notice the tall girl brush by me and walk towards the second table. Jean is no longer following her. Instead, I hear the chair parallel to me slide out from under the table and he takes a seat right fucking there. This day is starting out just great.

"Good morning, Jean." a cheerful Marco addresses the idiot sitting beside him. 

"'Morning Marco.. Armin.." He looks at me while leaning back in his chair, "Yeager." he adds nonchalantly.

I choose to ignore him and instead finish the last couple bites of my croissant. Marco looks at me then back at Jean. He's definitely picking up on the tension between the two of us. It looks like he's about to speak but decides it might not be a good idea to prod the situation. The silence is a little unsettling, but I prefer it to what happens next.

"So, Yeager. How have you been?" Jean smirks as he pops a grape into his mouth.

"Oh, just great." My sarcasm is heavily detected by Armin and Marco.

Marco looks concerned when he speaks. "So, uh.. You two have met before?"

Armin coughs and meets Marco's gaze. He begins shaking his head 'no' ever so slightly, warning him not to get involved. But it's already too late.

Jean throws his arm around Marco's shoulder, "We sure have! In fact, Yeager and I grew up together. Went to the same school and everything, isn't that right?" I wish he wouldn't speak so loudly, he's drawing attention from the other table. My palms start to get sweaty.  
"Truth is, we were best buds for a long time! Actually, there's this funny story.." 

_Oh God._

_He wouldn't fucking dare.._

".. We were having a sleepover at his house and-" Jean tries to continue, but I jump to my feet and slam my fists down onto the table.

"Shut the fuck up! Just fucking stop!" Before I can stop myself I'm screaming at him and fighting back tears that threaten to escape the corners of my eyes.

Everybody's gone silent. I'm not sure if it became that way before or after I started to yell. Armin tries to touch my arm but I jerk it away from him and bolt out of the dining area. I reach my room and slam the door, but not ten seconds later Rico bursts in. I'm sitting on my bed, knees tucked up to my chin with a pillow in between. The tears I failed to contain would suggest that I'm more upset than angry. Rico kneels down on the ground in front of me and fishes a tissue out of her pocket. She hands it to me before she speaks.

"I wish Hange would write her notes legibly so I could read them.. This is probably what she tried to communicate to me." Rico sighs. "I'm going to take a wild guess and assume you two didn't leave off on good terms."

"That's an understatement.." The pillow in front of my face muffles my voice.

She doesn't ask anything more about Jean and I, just whether or not I'm done with breakfast, to which I nod 'yes'. I ask Rico if she will bring me my pencil so that I can draw. She agrees, and leaves the door ajar while she goes to grab it. Right after she leaves, someone gently taps on my already open door. I pull the pillow away from my face and twist my neck around to see Armin standing there.

"Hey, Eren.." He speaks softly as he takes a step in, "Are you alright?"

I promptly wipe my eyes with the back of my wrist. "Uh, yeah. I'll be fine." I wish he couldn't tell I'd been crying.

He stands there in the entrance way for a minute, "Um, Could I.. Come in?"

"Oh, yeah, of course." I move over so he can sit with me on the bed. 

Once situated, Armin starts twisting his hair around one of his fingers. "You don't have to tell me anything, but if you want to talk about it, I'd be happy to listen." I can see that he's afraid of upsetting me further. I feel like an ass for pulling away from him at breakfast.

"Armin, I'm really sorry.. I know you we're just trying to help and I didn't mean to push you away.." I pause and notice how relieved he looks. "Now everyone here is going to make fun of me because of what Jean said." 

Armin shakes his head, "Eren, Jean didn't say anything after you left. Everyone at the other table went back to eating. Jean was probably trying to look cool in front of Marco, but it backfired. Marco hates when people are mean, so now Jean's going to be kissing up to him for the rest of the day."

_What? Why would Jean be trying to impress another guy?_

"That doesn't sound like the Jean I knew.." I'm skeptical of what Armin told me, but it has been over 4 years since we really talked.

Suddenly, Rico is back with the pencil I'd asked her for. "Armin, are you suppose to be somewhere right now?" She questions.

Armin looks up and brushes the hair out of his face. "No, I was actually just going to read for a while, but I stopped to check on Eren.." He shows her the book he had tucked in his blue cardigan. It's got a picture of the ocean on the cover.

Rico nods and agrees to let Armin stay until lunch. We thank her, and go about our own activities.

By the time lunch rolls around, I've almost completed the sketch I started. It's a picture of a guy sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. There are people surrounding him, just watching his breakdown. I close my sketchbook and wait for Armin to finish up with the paragraph he's on before the three of us head over to the dining room.

Surprisingly, lunch goes by smoothly. Armin and I sit with Marco and Jean, but Jean doesn't say a word to me. I barely believe it. After we finish eating, everyone heads to the common area where we have group. Today we are writing in journals. A nurse named Nanaba hands me an empty one. Nobody looks particularly excited about the group, except for Ilse. In fact, I think this is the first time I've seen her demonstrate any expression since meeting her. Nanaba explains that today we will be doing an interactive exercise where we write 2 truths and a lie. We're told we will be sharing them with each other.

I pick up the pen Rico handed me while Nanaba was explaining the activity. I don't want to write anything down, nor do I want to get to know these people. I'm still pissed off that I was too lazy to go purchase a new bottle of pain killers so I could successfully end it. I fucking hate this place.

I peek around the room and notice that most people are struggling to write something down. Armin and the guy who Nanaba addressed as Marlowe look really anxious, Sasha is chewing on her pen, and Hitch is sitting there with her arms crossed starring down at her closed notebook. I also notice Jean laying on the ground, his head propped up on Marco's lap. He's jotting something down in his journal. I'm curious about what's going on between those two.

I decide to get it over with, and scribble down the truths first:

_1\. It's my birthday_

_2\. I like to draw_

It takes me a couple minutes before I come up with the lie.

_3\. I have a cat_

It's uninteresting, but at least I can say I did it.

After a few more minutes, Nanaba says we're going to start sharing. We start the circle with Armin, which clearly send his anxiety sky rocketing. He's stammering and shaking, but he does it.

"H- hi, I'm Armin.." He starts. "I play the guitar.. I like books.. A-and I'm an only child."

A few of the patients think that the third statement is the lie, but the rest of us- myself included- say it's the first. He mentioned that he wished he could play an instrument during our Scrabble game yesterday, and I think everyone knows the kid loves books.

Nanaba thanks Armin for sharing and moves onto me. "Okay Eren, let's hear yours." 

"Uh, okay. I'm Eren, I like to draw, today's my birthday, and I have a cat." I don't look up from my hands.

The answers that the other patients provide are all pretty divided. I suppose it would be impossible for these people to make a proper guess since they only just met me. Nanaba redirects her attention back to me and asks which the lie really is.

"I don't really have a cat." I reply dully.

Just then, Jean speaks up, "Oh, that's right! Today IS your birthday!" just hearing his voice makes my stomach churn. "Are you enjoying it?" 

_Calm down, Eren. Don't listen to his shit.._

He snorts and flashes me that stupid fucking grin. I'm clenching my fists again and gritting my teeth.

_Just ignore him.._

Marco instructs him to stop, but he continues anyways. "Aw, what's the matter, Yeager? Tried to spend it with your mom but wound up here instead?"

_That's it._  
_He's fucking dead._

I launch myself across the circle, pushing him off of Marco completely and wrapping my hands around his neck. "You piece of shit!" I crush his throat with all the force I have as he struggles underneath me.

"Eren! stop! Where's Mike? Someone find Mike!" Rico rushes into the hallway.

Nanaba is trying her best to separate the two of us, but it doesn't work. I'm in a full blown rage and I'm convinced nobody can stop me. I wind up my fist and prepare to hurl it right into Jean's previously snide face but suddenly I'm kicked to the ground and struggling to breathe.

I look up expecting to see Mike, but it's not him. The man who knocked the wind out of me and sent me flying looks nothing like Mike. In fact, I almost don't believe that this guy had the strength to do so. He's short, and his black hair is styled in an undercut. He's wearing a white button down shirt and brown pants. His blue eyes are narrow and highly intimidating. I try to sit back up but he slams my head down to the ground.

"Let me go!" I snarl through my teeth.

"Tch." He grabs me by the collar. "Don't waste your energy, brat."

"Easy, Levi." Mike appears behind the short man pinning me down. 

He gets up, yanking me off of the floor, "Pull something like this again, and I'll make you regret it." his eyes confirm the seriousness in his tone.

Levi is easily the scariest person I've encountered on the ward so far, and after beating me senseless, I should never want to run into him again. 

But for some reason..

I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Levi! :) We will start getting into the relationship between him and Eren very soon.


	5. Grumpy Stumpy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin decides whether or not Eren's birthday visit with his sister is going to be revoked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for such a late post! I just moved and it was crazy unpacking and everything. I'll get back into the swing of it now! :)  
> Some mentions of past Erwin/Levi  
> But have no fear, this is an Eren/Levi fanfic, I swear <3 !  
> Thank you for all your kind words! :O

Rico hands me the ice pack she retrieved from the nurses station. "Thanks.." I mutter. I roll up my shirt to expose the already bruising skin covering my ribs. I hiss at the harsh temperature change. "It's so cold." 

Rico lowers herself onto my bed, taking a seat beside me. "Well, it is ice."

I lean back against the wall. My head is pounding, probably from having it smashed against the floor.

"It's not even two yet and somehow you've already doubled the amount of paper work I had for the day." Rico sighs as she puts on a pair of glasses that had been tucked in her sweater pocket.

"I'm sorry.." I pause, "Does this mean my sister can't come visit anymore tonight?" I think back to right after the incident took place. Rico was talking to a couple of the other nurses about what had happened and one of them mentioned something about possibly having my visitation rights removed for the day.

"I'm not sure, Eren. Assaulting another patient is a big deal." She looks at me before continuing. "Ultimately, it will be up to Erwin to make that decision. Your appointment with him is at three, and one of the nurses has already gone over to speak with him about what happened."

I tilt my head back until it bumps the wall behind it. I fucked up, but I can't say that I regret it. In all honesty, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. As fucked up as it is, having Jean writhe underneath me made me feel more alive than I've felt in a long time. He totally deserved it too. 

The hour passes and the next thing I know is that I'm following Rico out of the ward and down the hall towards Erwin's office. It's hard to believe I was only admitted yesterday. Today's Friday, which means this is my only chance to persuade Erwin into shortening my suicide watch. Otherwise, I won't see him until my next appointment date on Monday.

Just before we get to Ewin's room Rico reminds me to keep my temper in check and be honest. I claim that my temper isn't that bad, but she simply rolls her eyes and knocks on his door.

Not a moment later the knob turns and the door swings inward. "Ah, Rico, hello." Erwin nods to her before looking my way. "Come on in, Eren."

I look down at the floor as we enter his office. He offers me the same seat I'd sat in just yesterday. Once we're both seated he sighs.

"Oh, Eren. Where to begin.." 

Suddenly I'm embarrassed. He's situated in his big fancy arm chair and rubbing his chin between his index finger and thumb.

I slump down in my seat. "He had it coming.." I mumble under my breath.

Erwin takes a deep breath. "Let me get some things straight, from what my understanding is, you are already acquainted with Jean?"

I nod my head and prop my chin up on my hand. My elbow's resting on the arm of the chair.

"And I'm taking it things between you two weren't so great before meeting here?" He studies my reactions carefully. I know he's expecting to hit a nerve in me somewhere. 

I try to stay level headed, as Rico advised. "No, they were not." I wait a moment to be questioned further, but Erwin waits for me to continue instead. "Look, I didn't mean to do it, but he's been pissing me off ever since I got here, and he just rubs me the wrong way. He's basically been asking for it." I realize I've said more than I'd planned to.

Erwin folds his hands before resting them in his lap. "Eren, may I ask how long ago your mother passed away?"

His question catches me off guard. It plants an uneasy feeling in my brain and leaves me wondering why he even asked.

 _Mom.._

I respond with hesitation. "Um.. I was in grade six.."

_What does my mom have to do with this anyway? This is suppose to be about Jean!_

"How does this have anything to do with what happened? This isn't about my mother." I quickly become short with the much larger man seated in front of me.

Erwin appears unaffected by my sudden mood change. "I'm a psychiatrist. My job is to figure out what causes you to feel and what caused you to try and commit suic-" 

"God, I'm not suicidal, okay? And who cares if I am? I didn't ask for anybody's help. I just want to go home with Mikasa." Balling my fists is becoming another habit of mine, and concealing emotions appears to be a skill I lack.

"Have you always been close with your sister?" He completely ignores my previous outburst. 

_This guy is unbelievable!_

I respond surly. "Yes, I have.." 

I would have asked how that question was relevant as well, but he moves on. "I know what Jean said to you Eren. I'm not defending him, however, you're an easy target. Of course you two already have a history and he knows what gets you going." Erwin twists around to retrieve a pen and clipboard from his desk. "When I asked you about your mother, I could tell that I'd struck a sensitive topic. I can understand that it would be hard to keep your emotions in check after what Jean said regarding her. When I asked you about Mikasa, you answered in an agitated manor. It's as though the answer to the question was so obvious, I should have known without asking. I'm not going to revoke your visit with Mikasa on your birthday. You're still getting settled in and I don't doubt Jean was provoking you. Besides, Levi was probably more than enough punishment." He points to the bruise peeking through my bangs and chuckles. "Typical Levi. We've known each other for a very long time, and he never changes."

My ears perk up at Levi's name. "So you've both worked here a long time, I guess?" 

_Why did I ask that? What the hell do I care?_

Erwin lowers the clipboard, "Actually, Levi's only been working here for about a year." He appears to be studying me again.

"Oh.. So then, you two are friends?" I spit out the words before my brain can instruct my mouth to stay shut.

_What the hell is wrong with me? I shouldn't care if these guys are coworkers, friends, or whatever else they might be.._

"Er.. I mean.. You don't have to tell me or anything.." I bumble on like an idiot.

Erwin sets the clipboard onto his lap. "I suppose we were something like that."

I tense up again, wondering what that could possibly mean.

_Is he.. Grinning?_

_And am I.. Blushing?! What the hell!_

I look down at the floor to avoid eye contact and hope my cheeks aren't noticeably pink.

Erwin writes something down on his clipboard, "I wont keep you any longer, Eren. Try and enjoy the rest of your day." It sounds sincere enough.

I nod and thank him allowing Mikasa to come visit despite the incident.

_I wonder what he was jotting down on that clipboard.._

\-----

Rico accompanies me back to the ward where I decide to play my DS until dinner. I try to focus on the game I'm playing, but I can't seem to get my mind off of what Dr. Smith said. I even forgot to ask about shortening my suicide watch. Shit. 

_"I suppose we were something like that."_

Am I looking way too far into this, or is it possible that Erwin and Levi may have something going on?

"Ugh." I moan, irritated. I shouldn't care about whatever it is those two might do in their spare time anyways.

Rico peers over her paperwork. "Didn't Erwin say you could keep your visit tonight?" She raises an eyebrow.

I nod my head and mumble a less than audible 'yes'. 

She lowers her papers, "And I see you can barely wait." Rico scoffs. "You sure are a strange one."

I close my gaming device and roll over onto my side to face her. "I guess I'm just feeling off right now, that's all.." 

"I see." Rico glances down at the folder in front of her before continuing. "Oh, I almost forgot. Mina was suppose to be taking over for me around dinner time but she called in while you were with Erwin. I'm not positive who her replacement is going to be for the night, but it will likely be Hange. Just a heads up."

Hange, huh? She's going to want every last detail on the scrap I got in with Jean earlier today. I guess I should be thankful it's going to be her though. I don't feel like meeting any more nurses today.

Dinner approaches so I head up the hall to Armin's room where I tap on his door. He calls out that it's open. 

I push the door just enough to stick my head in the opening. "Hey, Armin. Want to join me in the dining room and wait for dinner?"

I spot him sitting on the bed underneath the window. He's surrounded by a pile of books and wrapped in a blanket. 

"Hi, Eren. Sure I'll go with you. I'm sorry about the mess, I'll keep it tidier once you move in here, I promise!" He begins stacking the books on his nightstand.

I smile and shake my head. The room is immaculate with the exception of his book nest. Once they move me in here, I'm going to have to work really hard to keep this place clean. I'd feel bad messing it up on Armin, but what can I say? I have a talent for decorating floors with clothing.

Once seated at our destination, I give Armin the scoop on my appointment with Erwin. He's surprised they let me keep my visitation for this evening, but so am I. He also asks how I'm feeling after my birthday beats from shrimpy the orderly. I tell him about the bruising on my ribs and the killer headache I acquired when it first happened. Aside from that though, I feel fine.

A minute later other patients begin filling the room. Marlowe and Sasha smile sympathetically at me while heading to their table. The tall freckled girl, who Armin informed me was Ymir, trails behind shooting a grin my way as she takes her seat; she definitely thinks it's hilarious I got my ass kicked. When Hitch enters, she actually stops at our table to ask how I was feeling and express how cool she thinks it was that I strangled Jean. I like Hitch.  
The next to enter are Ilse and Marco. They quietly take seats in their usual spots. It takes me by surprise when Marco says my name.

"I'm really sorry about Jean. He's been a real jerk ever since you got here." His eyes are genuinely apologetic. 

"Jeez, Marco. You have nothing to be sorry for. What the hell is a nice guy like you doing hanging around Jean anyways? " I can't believe this kid thinks he's responsible for that self centered prick.

Marco half smiles, "He's not always like that. In fact, I'd never seen him that way until you got here. He's usually very kind." 

_Jean? Kind?_

I'm starting to think Jean's here for a split personality disorder. That horse is a lot of things, but kind isn't one of them.

I must have the most ridiculous look on my face, because when Jean enters the room he asks if I'm having a stroke. The bewildered expression is replaced with a satisfied smirk as soon as I see the slight bruising around his neck. He doesn't notice though, he's too busy staring at Marco. They sit awfully close to each other and they exchange smiles. It's weird. The only person I've ever seen Jean act like this around was..  
Mikasa.  
And that's when it hits me.

_Oh god. Jean and Marco are totally-_

My realization is interrupted when a voice commands everyone to 'hurry their asses up and grab their trays'.  
Oh, great. It looks like grumpy stumpy is Sasha's food cop tonight. We all retrieve our trays and return to our tables. I'm confused when Mike enters the room. Why is he here if Levi's doing dinner with Sasha tonight? And where's my round-the-clock supervisor?

I scan the ward through the glass windows but don't see any signs of Hange.. Maybe she couldn't come in on such short notice.

I jump when 160 centimeters of intimidation appears behind me, seemingly out of nowhere.

Levi speaks softly beside my ear. "I see you're still in one piece. Do you remember what I said earlier?"  
His words send shivers down my spine. How is he terrifying me and turning me on simultaneously?

_Wait.._  
_Did I just admit that this guy is making me hot as hell?_  
_Shit._

Levi leans in closer, his breath is warm beside my ear. "If you don't behave for me tonight, I will make you wish you'd never been born."

Jokes on him, I already wish I'd never been born. Hold on. What the hell does he mean _'behave for me tonight'?_

He answers my unspoken question. "Erwin forced me to babysit you all night since stupid four eyes is over hours."

First of all, I'm going to assume 'stupid four eyes' is Hange.

Second of all..

Erwin asked Levi to do what?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I threw in a Marco half joke. I'm awful. D:  
> Thanks for sticking around and still reading new chapters :) ! It means so much to me.


	6. Perks and Downfalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of Eren's night with Levi. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First attempt at a Levi point of view section! Hope it isn't too cringe worthy!  
> Thank you all for your comments! They inspire me to keep writing :) ! <3

Levi leans against the bathroom door glaring at me while I fix my hair. I don't know what the hell Erwin was thinking when he assigned Levi as my supervision for the night. I feel like he's just as much of a danger to me as I am to myself. In all honesty, I didn't think orderly's were qualified to do suicide watch.

A nurse pokes her head in my room and informs me that my visitors have arrived. Levi steps to the side and nods towards the bedroom door. "Move it, Jeager."

I hurry past him and meet Mikasa and Annie by the common area. I try not to flinch when Mikasa squeezes my injured rib cage in a hug. I'm thankful that Annie is too busy fishing a tiny gift box from her purse to do the same. Instead, she smiles and wishes me a happy birthday. I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear Levi's voice only inches away from the back of my head. "I'll be back in an hour."

Mikasa stares after him as he walks away. "Is that your nurse for the night, Eren? He seems like a prick."

I swallow nervously, "Oh, uh, yeah. That's Levi.."

She squints at the discoloration on my forehead, "Eren, is that a bruise? What happened?" It's evident that Mikasa is suspecting my vertically challenged 'nurse'.

"Oh, this? Jean and I got into a little fist fight this morning, no biggie." At least I was prepared for that question.

A smirk tugs at the corner of Annie's mouth. "No biggie, eh? Jean's neck says otherwise. Who strangles a person during a fist fight anyways?"

Shit. I didn't plan on them running into him.

_Quick, Eren. Say something.._

"Uh, yeah. I guess it wasn't so little after all.."

_Wow, smooth._

Annie laughs and pats me on the back, but the look on Mikasa's face is that of anger and concern. It's clear she isn't buying my lies today. Thankfully Annie changes the subject once we enter my room by placing the small box in my hands. 

"This is from your sister and I. She's the brains behind it, though." Annie kisses Mikasa on the cheek.

I unwrap the box and find a gold key attached to a leather cord. It only takes me a few seconds to realize it's the key to my mothers art room.

"Oh, wow." I lay the key flat in my palm and admire the beautiful brown string it hangs from. "I love it."

Mikasa pulls me in for another rib crushing hug and ruffles my hair. "You and mom use to spend hours together in there. Drawing, painting, sculpting.."

I nod and do my best not to cry. She's right. Some of my best memories with mom are the two of us spending time together in that room. 

I fumble with the clasp a bit, but manage to put it on. I take a moment to admire the way it feels around my neck. The key is a little heavy and the leather is softer than I'd imagined. It feels like it belongs there.

The rest of our visit passes quickly and soon Levi is back and advising us to wrap things up. I walk Mikasa and Annie to the end of the hallway and we say our goodbyes. Mikasa asks that I don't get into any more fights and mentions something about how she doesn't trust my monotone nurse. I'm pretty sure she knows that the bruise on my face isn't from Jean.

I choose to spend the evening in my room drawing pictures since Armin's out on a pass. He mentioned earlier in the day that his grandfather was taking him to a family event. I hope it's going okay. I find myself peeking up from my art every couple of minutes to study Levi. He's sitting in a chair by the wall, staring out the window into the night sky. He isn't doing paperwork like my other nurses had. In fact, he isn't doing anything. He's just sitting there.  
I decide he's probably bored out of his skull and take it upon myself to strike up a conversation.

"So.. Do you do watches often?" I ask awkwardly.

_Cool, Eren. That's a great conversation starter._

To my surprise, he doesn't shift his attention from the window. "I used to. Contrary to popular belief, I'm a nurse."

I never would have guessed he's a nurse. He's not exactly compassionate. But then again, I guess I'm biased. 

"How'd you get stuck doing it tonight?" I continue.

There's a few seconds of silence before he continues. "Erwin asked me to. Four eyes was over hours, as usual, and you can't exactly be left alone." 

I think back to what Erwin said about him and Levi, and it frustrates me. "Erwin, huh? He mentioned you when I was with him earlier."

Well, that came across far more salty than I had intended. 

Shit. Now he's glaring at me. "Er.. I mean.. He said you guys were friends.. Or something like that.." I look down at my sketchbook.

"Does that bother you, _Eren?_ " He questions.

Something about the way he says my name makes me noticeably tense. I try to swallow the lump in my throat. "N-no. I mean, it's none of my business."

I'm too scared to look at him. I need an escape. 

Ah! Bingo! "Hey, is it okay if I shower now?"

I build up the courage to look at him again. His skin looks flawless in the moonlight. 

"Knock yourself out." His response is apathetic. I swear he's barely human.

I toss my drawing equipment to the side and hurry to the bathroom. I assume Levi is staying put because he doesn't follow me. I undress quickly and remove my new necklace carefully. As much as I wish I never had to take it off, I'm sure water isn't good for the leather cord. I gently set it on the ledge beside the sink. For whatever reason, today I choose to step into the shower before adjusting the temperature. Bad idea.

"Ah!" I leap back to get away from the icy water, and my heel slips.

_Uh oh._

I hear a sickening crack before I black out.

\-----

**Levi POV**

Did this kid just try to start a conversation about how often I do suicide watches? Weird. He probably doesn't even know I'm a nurse- Most patients on the ward don't. Lately I've been doing more orderly work than nursing though. I personally don't care either way. Both have their downfalls. Orderly work can be boring as hell, and nursing can get messy. That being said, they also have their perks. However, I have a bad feeling that the downfalls might outweigh the perks tonight. What the hell was Erwin thinking assigning me this brat?

I respond to his question without abandoning my view of the stars. "I used to. Contrary to popular belief, I'm a nurse."

Eren doesn't miss a beat. "How'd you get stuck doing it tonight?"

_Good question. Perhaps it's because none of the other nurses wanted to put up with your shit this evening._

Well, I can't say that out loud, so I'll play the blame game. "Erwin asked me to. Four eyes was over hours, as usual, and you can't exactly be left alone."

He continues with a detectable amount of sass. "Erwin, huh? He mentioned you when I was with him earlier." 

I can tell he regrets saying it as soon as the words leave his lips. I don't need to speak, I just glare at him and he starts to panic. It's kind of funny.

"Er.. I mean.. He said you guys were friends.. Or something like that.." Eren stammers while trying to make up for his last comment.

"Does that bother you, Eren?" I ask calmly. 

I see panic wash over his face. "N-no. I mean, it's none of my business." I wonder if he knows he's blushing.

It's pretty obvious he's got the hots for me. I can't imagine why though. I'm barely 160 centimeters tall and not exactly what you would call charismatic. I never understood what Erwin saw in me either. It's true that the two of us had been in a relationship, but it wasn't long lived. We'd been friends for many years and attempted dating, but two very dominant people just don't work out in my experience.. 

_Clearly that wouldn't be a problem with this brat.._

Wow, disgusting. I'm nearly twice his age. Fucking Erwin, you'll pay for this.

Eren asks if he can shower. I nod. "Knock yourself out." 

He nearly trips over himself on his way to the washroom. I roll my eyes and decide to flip through his folder once more.

 _Eren Yeager.. 19.. Suicide attempt by overdose.._

Wait. It says his dad works in the hospital.. His father works in the same building and didn't come to wish his kid a happy birthday? I continue to skim through the pages.

_History of abuse, abuser is unknown.. Self harm scars on wrists.._

Aren't these Hange's notes? She really is stupid. After reading through his file I could tell you that his father was, and probably still is his abuser. Eren is still grieving over the death of his mother and appears to be quite close with his sister. However, there's no mention of his father at all.

I'm piecing my thoughts together on this kid's life when I hear a loud 'thud' from the washroom. 

_What the hell was that?_

I cross the room and pause outside of the bathroom door.

"Hey, brat. Did you drop something?" I wait a few seconds but get no response.

Is he deaf? I push the door open, "Oi, Eren, did you-"

I stop mid sentence when I see Eren laying on the shower floor. The sound I heard was him hitting the ground.

Oh, hell no.

This kid is not going to off himself on my watch.

I rush over and find blood pooling underneath his head. I grab a towel from the cupboard before throwing myself onto the floor beside him. It's not until after I've wrapped the towel around his skull that I realize how fucking cold the water is. I reach over and turn it off whilst keeping his head propped up in my lap. I check his pulse and listen to his breathing. There are no signs of an overdose, and no fresh cuts. He didn't try to hang himself, and there's no way he threw himself onto the floor head first on purpose..

Then I realize it. "You've got to be fucking kidding me.." 

He slipped and fell. He's a royal klutz.

I ball the towel up and tuck it under his head after checking to make sure the bleeding's slowed down. I slip away to the cupboard and begin rummaging through the first aid kit. I return with a new towel, scissors, gauze, and antiseptic wash. 

I never thought I'd be spending my evening soaking wet and covered in the blood of a naked kid who happens to be lying in my arms. I drape the new towel over his waist. He'd probably be pretty embarrassed to regain consciousness with his wiener hanging out.

I sigh.

Fantastic, now I can't get the image of Eren Yeager's nude body out of my mind.

Downfalls, one. Perks, zero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been taking me so long to update. My sister had a baby and Anime North was this past weekend, so I've been slacking! I'll make it up to you guys, I promise :)


	7. Two Birds One Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's night being supervised by Levi. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! This took terribly long, and I am so sorry! I hope it's worth it, because I put lots of love into it. My life has been rather strange lately, and I'm trying to adjust to some things. Thank you all for your patience and kind words, they keep me writing. 
> 
> EMETOPHOBIA WARNING:  
> Chapter does contain mentions of getting sick. Please skim over it if you must. I actually suffer from emetophobia, so I understand it can be uncomfortable. I actually wrote this part as a bit of self exposure therapy. I apologize in advance. xoxo

**Eren POV**

Everything is black and there's a slight ringing in my ears. My head is pounding worse than it did when Levi slammed it against the floor earlier.  
I blink a few times allowing my eyes to adjust to the brightness. 

Just before my vision returns I hear Levi's voice. "Welcome back."

The first thing I notice once I totally regain my sight is how gorgeous he is. His eyes are softer than I'd ever seen them and he isn't even scowling. His hair is damp and a few strands are sticking to his forehead.

_Wait, why is his hair damp?_

It takes me a moment to remember what happened. It's then that I realize why I see water beading off of Levi's hair and onto my nose. He must have heard me fall when I was in the shower..

And that's when my eyes descend towards his abdomen. Levi's shirt is soaked and clinging to his body. I can see the outline of his abs and holy shit, they're perfect. He has a pretty impressive amount of muscle for a guy as lean as himself. I swallow thickly and feel my face heat up. 

"Oi, Eren. Are you okay? You look like you just got really warm, and it's freezing in here." Shrimpy nearly smacks my forehead with the back of his hand.

When he pulls his hand back, he seems puzzled. "You're not warm at all, actually.." 

I watch his face turn from confusion, into something I can't recognize, and then to annoyance. "Seriously, Yeager?" 

I have no clue what he's questioning me about until I follow his gaze. There's a towel covering my waist, but failing to hide my raging boner.

_God Dammit._

I feel my face grow even hotter and try not to think about how red it must be. "Oh God.. uh- I'm so sorry.."

Now I can successfully add embarrassment to my list of current emotions. It's up there with horny and head-achy.

Levi sighs and helps me into a sitting position. "Try and keep it in your pants, kid." 

"I'm 19." I retort rather offended.

He arches one of his perfectly shaped brows. "I know. That's why I called you a kid." 

The pain in my head adds to the anger I'm beginning to feel. "It's not that young.. Besides, you're only like eight years older than me." 

"You think I'm 27?" He grins.

 _I really wish he wouldn't make that face. He's so hot when he smirks._

"Or something like that.. 29? I don't know.." My eyes dart around the room awkwardly.

Levi shakes his head and helps me to my feet. "You flatter me. Ugh, I can't believe I just spent thirty minutes sitting on this disgusting floor."

_He sat with me in cold wet clothes for a half an hour? Maybe he's not such a bad nurse after all.._

We make it to my room where I sit down on my bed, one hand gripping the side of my head. It appears my skull's been wrapped up in a bandage.

"It will hurt for a while. You hit it pretty hard." Levi points at his own head. "It's likely a concussion. I'll keep an eye on it tonight." He adds while pulling a change of clothes from his bag. 

"Do you always carry extra clothes with you?" I question.

He begins unbuttoning his shirt. "Of course. You never know what kind of messes you'll encounter as a nurse. Blood, piss, vomit.." He pauses before narrowing his eyes at me. _"Water."_

A shiver travels down my spine. "Ah.. I'm sorry.." My apology is less than sincere due to distraction. I can't help but stare at his near perfect body.

Of course he catches me. "Jesus, you kids have no control over your hormones at all, do you?"

I quickly avert my attention to the floor. "I was actually looking at.. Uh.."

"At what? the wall? Nice try, pervert." Levi pulls a dry black t-shirt over his head. I pout for a second before realizing that his new shirt is fairly tight and outlines his mid drift amazingly. I really am a pervert.

I go to touch the key around my neck but suddenly remember that it's still in the bathroom. I jump up far too quickly considering the head injury I'm obviously not too worried about. I instantly become dizzy and regret the decision. "Nnngh." 

"Honestly, Yeager? Sit down, I just told you that you have a concussion." Levi crosses the room, annoyed, and forces me back down onto the bed.

"B-but my.. my necklace. I took it off when I showered. I just-" 

Levi cuts me off. "I already grabbed it." He shakes his head and pulls the leather cord from his pocket, dangling it in front of me.

"Ah, thank you-" I reach up for it, but Levi tugs it back away from my open hand.

"Can I trust you with this thing?" His eyes are serious. "You aren't going to strangle yourself with it, are you?"

I wince when I hear the word strangle. I can't tell if he's being serious or not. "Wh-what? Of course not!" 

Levi folds his arms and squints at me. "Perhaps I just gave you the idea and now you're contemplating it?"

I ball my fists, "No, I'm not! This key belonged to my mother, I would never do _that_ with this!"

He cocks his head ever so slightly to the side, "But you'd do it." It's barely a question. 

I glare at the blunt man standing no more than a foot and a half away from me. "Well, I didn't come here on vacation." I snap.

Levi rolls his eyes at me like I was a toddler throwing a fit. "I hardly need your sass, Yeager. I've got plenty of my own. Besides, I didn't ask if you _did_ it."

It's true. He only asked me if I'd do it again. But what the hell do I say? Of course I want to finish what I started. I'm so tired of feeling sad and being hurt. I don't want to miss my mom anymore. I can't rely of Mikasa forever, and it's not like I have any friends. I'm alone, and I hate it.

I'm startled when Levi takes a step forward and places a hand on top of my head. "Sometimes life can be shit. I know how it sounds, but it gets better." 

"I'm all alone, Levi. The only person I have is my sister, but I hate holding her back. It's not her job to babysit me for the rest of her life."

_Why am I telling him this? I'm only humiliating myself. I'm so fucking pathetic._

"Eren, you're only 19. You won't be alone forever. Hell, you can probably have anybody you want. You're annoying as shit, but you're extremely charismatic and I'm sure there are tons of people who find you attractive." Levi lowers himself onto the bed beside me. "When I was your age, I didn't have a hope in Hell of finding a partner. I was stick thin, less than five feet tall, possessed zero social skills.." 

We both jump at the sound of a soft chuckle by the door. "Not much has changed, huh?"

I'm surprised when I see Erwin enter my room. He's not sporting his usual business attire. Instead, he's dressed in athletic wear. "Dr. Smith?" 

Erwin nods in my direction. "Good evening, Eren.. Say, what happened to your head?"

Levi changes the subject, seemingly agitated with the surprise visit. "What are you doing here? It's nearly ten."

Erwin sighs, "Good to see you too. I left some papers here that I needed for the weekend and figured I'd stop by since I was on my way home from the gym. And you left this in my car, so here," the tall man tosses a black jacket at my nurse, "Two birds, one stone. You know?"

Levi addresses him with a look that could kill. "Gee, thanks." 

The two of them seem so comfortable around each other, and it makes me feel nauseous.

"I suppose I should get out of here, I'll see you both on Monday. Don't worry, you're in good hands Eren." Erwin grins at Levi before taking his leave and shutting the door to my room.

Levi turns his attention back to me once the blonde man leaves. "Hey, are you feeling okay? You're quite pale."

I want to answer, but my stomach churns every time my head throbs. 

_Why do I get so jealous over Levi? I'm nothing to him and never could be. He wouldn't want a stupid kid like me anyways._

Suddenly my stomach shoots it's contents up into my mouth. I leap off of the bed, barely grabbing the garbage in time to throw my dinner up into it.  
I choke and gag for a minute until I manage to catch my breath. I have to admit that I'm in complete shock when I feel a gentle hand rubbing circles around my back.

I spit into the trash can that I'd just destroyed. I wish Levi didn't have to look at me right now. "I'm so sorry."

I hear him scoff. "Did you just apologize for vomiting?" 

I nod, spitting a couple more times before pushing the garbage aside. 

"It's okay, nausea and vomiting are common in head injuries." My nurse informs me.

The circles on my back have ceased, but his hand remains there, relaxed atop by arched spine. I ask if he'll help me to the bathroom so that I can rinse out my mouth and brush my teeth. He agrees, and offers me his hand. 

\-----

I scrub my tongue in an attempt to rid it of the foul aftertaste. Once I return to my room, I find Levi sitting on the edge of my bed with my necklace resting in his open palm. I lower myself beside him. Levi extends his arm presenting me with the key. 

"Go on." He nudges. 

I hesitate ever so slightly before removing it from his hand. "You trust me not to choke myself with it or swallow it or something?" 

He smirks for just a second. "I guess so."

I close my fist around the key and allow the cord to hang between my fingers. This is hardly the same Levi who kicked the life out of me earlier. This Levi did the exact opposite and actually took care of me. 

"I'm sorry about how much of a hassle I've been tonight.. I'm sure there are a hundred things you'd rather be doing." I awkwardly rub the back of my head.

"Maybe a couple things. I'm sure this could have been worse. You're not half bad, Yeager." Levi turns to face me.

He's so beautiful. He smells amazing. His face is the calmest I've ever seen it.

I need to hold it together.. If dad knew what I was thinking right now, he'd beat the life out of me. Literally..

_I'm not gay.. I am not gay.._

Suddenly, a fire lights inside of me. It's fueled with anger, frustration, and I'm assuming hormones.

I'm not gay.. 

But suddenly I'm kissing Levi.

_Fuck._


	8. Fish bowl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF ALERT  
> You guys are being so patient! I'm so sorry for such a slow build! I promise, we're getting there!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please know that your comments honestly keep me going! They're always so kind. <3 Thank you guys, so much! xox <3

**Levi POV**

How the fuck did this happen?

I sat down at the foot of Eren's bed, gave the kid his necklace, and was just about to tell him the good news. The truth is while Eren was visiting with his sister and that other girl, Erwin paged me to his office to talk.

\-----

**Erwin's office, earlier that day:**

 

I knock before opening his door.

"What do you want?" I always get right down to business.

"Ah, Levi. Care to take a seat?" Erwin gestures towards the chair opposite of his.

"Not particularly. In case you forgot, I'm rather busy tonight babysitting one of your patients." I shut the door behind me and lean against it, arms crossed.

"Yes, thanks again for doing this, It's a big help. I actually called you down here regarding Eren." He takes a seat. 

I already don't like where this is going.

"First of all, I think you're a good match for him.. As a nurse. I think it would be beneficial to Eren if you worked with him while he's here. In fact, I've already switched all of your orderly shifts over to nursing ones. Bertolt and Reiner needed the hours anyways, so It's a win win!" His face is smug. What a fucking snake.

"So let me get this straight, you went through the trouble of redoing three schedules all for the benefit of one patient?" Surely he can tell how agitated I am.

"Oh, it was nothing. And besides, You haven't had any nursing shifts in quite some time-" 

I cut him off. "Yes, I'm fucking aware. I happen to like it that way. What are you trying to accomplish here? I don't want to be stuck around that suicidal shit for God only knows how long." I practically spit the words at him. 

He waits a moment before letting out a soft hum. "He could be good for you as well, Levi." 

It takes far more effort than it should to maintain my apathetic expression. " Whatever. Was there something else, or can I go?"

He nods. "One more thing. I've decided to shorten Eren's suicide watch. He will still have higher supervision than the others for the time being, however, I think it's important he has a bit more freedom here." Erwin gets back to his feet and takes a step towards the door before twisting the knob. "Let him know that tomorrow night he'll be moving into Armin's room. I'm sure he'll be pleased."

I roll my eyes, but I know he's right. I've seen how closely Eren hangs around the little Aryan bookworm. 

Erwin opens the door and hands me a folder before I leave his office. "Take a look in his file. You guys have more in common than you may think."

I start to say something witty, but when I turn around he's already disappeared down the opposite end of the hall. 

_Jack ass._

\-----

**Present time:**

I'm just about to inform Eren of his shortened sentence when I'm suddenly taken aback by his lips crashing into mine.  
First, let me start off by saying I never would have made a move on this kid. I'm old enough to be his father for fucks sake. The kiss catches me completely off guard, and it actually takes me a couple seconds to register what the hell's happening. I choose to believe he's delirious from the concussion and that's why he thought kissing me was a good idea. I'm relieved that he's smart enough to keep his tongue in his own mouth, because I sure as hell didn't forget that he puked his guts up earlier. At least he had the decency to brush his teeth afterwards.

Okay, I'll admit that I let the kiss go on a bit longer than I had to. I was fully capable of pushing him off about four seconds into it, but somehow I allowed it to go on closer to ten. Why did I do it? It's not often- or ever for that matter- that somebody makes a move on me. Especially a guy as attractive as Eren. I'm fucking human, okay?

I pull my head back, separating our lips. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Eren drops his head promptly, bangs falling in front of his eyes. He doesn't speak.

"Do I look like a girl to you? Because I'm not." I fold my arms over my chest.

I don't get a verbal response from the kid but I notice his hands are balled into fists. He's shaking. It's then that I see tears gently rolling down his cheeks and falling from his chin. 

Shit, I didn't want to make him cry. I make an effort to soften my voice. "Oi, Eren." 

His head snaps up and for the first time I notice flecks of gold among his otherwise green iris's. "If you looked like a girl, I wouldn't have kissed you!" I can see he's hurt, and not just by what I've said. 

"I'm so tired of lying about who I really am!" He pauses to choke out a sob. "I'm gay and it's disgusting!"

He probably thinks I'm repulsed by his confession, but I already knew considering he's been eye-fucking me all day.

My arms are still crossed when I tilt my head to the side and speak. "Do I disgust you, Eren?" 

He looks confused before fully understanding what I just implied. "W-what? I mean, no.. You're.. Gay?"

I place my index finger and thumb only centimeters away from my eye in a very sarcastic 'just a little bit' gesture.

For a minute there's a look of hope on Eren's face, but it quickly dissolves. "Oh.. So _that's_ why Dr. Smith had your jacket.." 

"Tch. You've got the wrong idea about us, brat. We went out for coffee a few days ago, and I left my jacket in his car. Nothing more, nothing less." I'm not sure why I'm so quick to clear up any misconceptions about Erwin and myself to the kid. I could have let him think the two of us were fucking, then maybe he'd quit drooling over me.. But then again, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it at least a little.. 

There's no way in hell I'm attracted to Yeager. He's only 19..

_A damn good looking 19 year old though.._

Jesus Christ, I'm a pervert. 

The room is filled with an awkward silence, and I choose to break it with the good news.

"So, before you assaulted my mouth with your own, I was going to talk to you." Within seconds I'm on my feet and heading towards the wall opposite Eren's bed. I peer out the window. Of course it doesn't open, but the moonlight is able to spill through and flood the room with a dim light.  
"Erwin asked me to let you know he's decided to shorten your watch. You're still going to monitored ridiculously, but at least you can piss with the door shut." 

I hear him perk up. "Does that mean I'm moving into Armin's room?" 

I turn to lean against the windowsill with my arms crossed in my usual unapproachable stance. "Well, they sure as fuck wouldn't be moving you in with Kirstein." 

He smiles, but only briefly. I was expecting a slightly more excited response, but hey. I guess you can only be so pumped about being told you're going from a fish bowl to a fish tank. It's better, but it's no lake. In the end, you're still stuck in a limited space against your will.. Or in Eren's case, locked up in the psych ward.

He's quiet for the remainder of the evening and chooses to turn in before ten. I ask if He's alright, but he's either ignoring me or already sleeping. I decide it's okay for him to get some rest, but plan to keep a close eye on him due to the concussion. I move my chair just a few feet from Eren's bed so that I can see the blankets he's wrapped up in rise and fall along with his breathing. 

I sigh and begin to fill out the incident report for the shower mishap.

\-----

**3:00 AM, Eren POV**

"Eren, want to help me with dinner?" 

_That voice. It's so familiar. Soft and sweet.._

"Yeah!"

_Hey, I recognize that little boy too.._

"Oh, Eren. You're always so helpful in the kitchen!"

_Eren? So that must be me.. And that means the other voice is-_

"Mom! What's wrong? You're bleeding! Please, someone! Help!"

_Mom.._

 

I jolt up. It's dark and I can't see a thing.  
I try and focus, but can't. My heart is beating so fast I'm afraid it's going to burst out of my chest. I can't breathe, I need air.

"Shh, Eren. It's okay." 

_Is that.. Levi? And whose screaming?_

"You're okay, just breathe. I'm right here." 

It is Levi and he's cradling me as if I were a toddler. I blink a few times and choke as I inhale deeply. It seems the screams I heard belonged to me, but have since faded into violent sobs. I'm shaking like a leaf and clutching onto the man holding me as if he were someone I'd trusted and known for years. After a few minutes I'm able to breath properly again and the only sounds escaping my lips are shallow, ragged breaths. It's not uncommon for me to experience nightmares, but it's not often that I wake up completely unaware of my surroundings and screaming bloody murder.

I realize Levi's been rubbing my back the entire time and that I've actually lost track of how long we'd been sitting like this. I look up at Levi and find a softer- but sadder expression upon his face than usual.

He must sense that I'm watching him because he shifts his gaze from the wall to me. "Better?" It's no more than a whisper.

I nod. I'm thankful that it's the middle of the night and the lights are out, because I can feel my cheeks heat up when I look into his eyes. How did this happen? A few days ago I felt numb. I couldn't laugh or even cry to be honest. Now all of a sudden I'm feeling ten different things about one mysterious man whom I only know three things about. His name, his occupation, and his sexual preference. 

"Eren, you have to move. You're heavy and cutting off the blood flow to my legs.." Levi shifts underneath me.

Heavy? Rude. I'm pretty sure I'm actually on the thinner side of average. However, I hadn't really taken Levi's small stature into consideration. I slip out of his lap removing all contact we had, and I feel my heart sink. I want him to keep holding me. I don't want to go back to sleep alone. 

"You need rest, Eren. If you stay up all night long you'll feel like shit tomorrow morning." Levi starts to get off the bed, but I surprise both of us when my hand shoots up and grabs his shirt. I can tell by the look on his face that he wasn't expecting it.

"Please, don't go.." I lower my head and speak softly while clutching onto his sleeve.

"Look, I'll just be over there. I'm obviously not going very far." I'm shocked that he doesn't sound annoyed.

"Will you stay right here.. Please Levi?" I place my hand beside where I'm sitting. "Just until I fall asleep.. Please." I avoid eye contact while I beg. I'm too embarrassed by the childish request.

Levi sighs and reclaims the spot he previously occupied. I figured it would take a bit more convincing, but I'm not complaining. I get back under the covers and Levi lays down beside me. My heart is pounding against my chest and I can't help but blush when I feel a hand relax atop my head and start combing through my hair. 

My head feels light and I become drowsy rather quickly- although I'm not sure whether that's from Levi or the concussion. All I know for sure is that in this particular moment, I'm happy.

I begin to drift off after a few minutes, growing more fatigued by the second.  
I could be imagining it, but just before sleep takes me, I'm almost certain that I feel a soft kiss on the back of my head, and hear Levi mutter something under his breath.

_"Sweet dreams, Eren."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was suppose to turn into porn... But suddenly it's sappy as hell and I'm tearing up while writing -.-. I'm sorry guys, I'll try and slip some dirty stuff into the next chapter ;)


	9. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week long time lapse to get the story moving a bit :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! I have failed yet again. I was hoping to get the smut going here, but it just didn't feel right. Too soon, if you will. I want there to be a good connection between Eren and Levi. But this chapter definitely moves us closer. :) I hope this chapter tides you guys over until I get the next one out, but the good news is I've got some time off work coming up so I might spoil you all and post again in a few days :)!

When I woke up the next morning Levi was gone and Petra was there to take his place. My watch was ending so Armin kept me company while I moved my things into what was now our room. It didn't take long considering I only have two bags worth of stuff with me on the ward. I did however spend a good hour folding clothes and putting things away properly while chatting with my new roommate. I told him about the shower mishap and how Levi was surprisingly kind to me all night. He smiled while explaining how out of character that was for him. Of course I blushed and failed to conceal it from Mr. Observant, but he just giggled. I didn't need to tell Armin that I have a crush on nurse shrimpy, he probably figured it out before I did.

The rest of the weekend went by rather quickly. When Mikasa came to visit on Saturday she told me she'd be swamped with work and wouldn't be able to come back until Thursday. I promised her I'd be okay, especially now that Armin and I would spend all our nights together. Levi's worked with me every day he's here, which I honestly can't complain about. I do find it a bit strange though. Armin says before I showed up, Levi was doing strictly orderly work. He would only take a nursing shift when somebody called in sick or the floor was understaffed. Now it looks like he's only nursing.. And he's always assigned to me.

On a side note, I saw Hannes again when he brought the breakfast cart up on Sunday morning. He said I looked a hell of a lot better than the day he met me in the ICU. I smiled and told him I was feeling a bit better too. And that was the truth. 

Monday rolled around and I had another appointment with Erwin. It was similar to the last one. He asked a bit about my life and how I was feeling. He also asked if I was tired of seeing Levi yet, to which I immediately responded with "Not at all" followed by a pink tint to the cheeks and a hurried correction of "I mean.. No.. He's alright". Dr. Smith grinned and I realized it was mostly meant to be a joke. Embarrassing myself is yet another skill I've developed quite nicely since arriving here. He walked me back to the ward and informed me we would meet again on Friday.

Armin and I spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday night in our room playing board games and learning more about each other. I was still being watched pretty closely, so Levi was in the room with us most nights. He even joined us in scrabble on Wednesday and beat Armin by 10 points, which baffled me. Regardless, they each beat me by over 120. Sad, I know. I'd been getting to know little bits about Levi here and there. He mentioned that his mother was born in France, but he understands the language better than he speaks it. I've also learned he hates clutter. Earlier in the week when Armin was curled up in a blanket reading in his book nook when Levi commented on how there was "Too much shit" surrounding my roommate's bed. I'm also almost positive the man doesn't eat. Whenever he's with us in the dining room, he just sits there looking disinterested. I'd say he's a weird guy, but I probably shouldn't be the one to decided how a 'normal' person acts. I wouldn't know what 'normal' was if it hit me in the face at light speed.

So now it's Thursday. Everyone's finished dinner and Marco asked if Armin and I would like to join him and Jean for a game of cards in the common room. We accept the invite and surprisingly Jean and I simultaneously suggest Go Fish. I look at him and he grins a little bit. I do too. We use to play it all the time when we were kids. I'm almost tempted to say I'm enjoying spending time with Jean until he takes the six of spades I'd asked him for and flings it at my forehead while accusing me of cheating. He then asks if I have any threes. I don't, so I slyly smirk and tell him to 'go fish himself'. We bicker over the next few turns like an old married couple, but neither Armin or Marco look uncomfortable. In fact, most of the time they're laughing or exchanging smiles.

After our game Armin and Marco claim their spots on the couch beside Sasha and some short guy with a buzz cut. He's holding her hand and keeps making her laugh. He's definitely a visitor, and I think it's safe to assume a boyfriend. They're really cute together. I go to take the seat between Armin and Marco but of course Jean lunges for it first. Once seated, he throws his arms over their shoulders.  
He lets out a sigh and grins at me. "Too slow, Yeager."  
I roll my eyes. "How am _I_ , a person, supposed beat _you,_ a horse, in a race?"

"I'll end you, you suicidal bastard." He points at me once he pulls his arm out from behind Armin. He and freckles are trying to suppress their giggles.

I cross my arms and turn around making a 'Hmph' sound. I decide to sit on floor in front of the arm chair Levi's situated in. He's filling out paperwork as usual. I lower myself onto the ground and cross my legs.

Levi raises an eyebrow when he peers down at me. "Can I help you?" 

I frown. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I needed an invitation to sit within five feet of you." I start to get up.

Levi's hand falls onto my head and forces me back down a little harder than necessary. "Well you do. And your impatient ass didn't even wait for me to give it to you."

I try to cover the smile threatening to spread across my face with the fist I'm now leaning my chin on. My back's resting against the front of Levi's chair and his knee is pressed up against my arm. It's a small and likely meaningless gesture, but it makes my heart flutter.

There's a movie playing on the television, but I pay no attention to it. I think Armin and Ilse are the only two actually following the story.  
Levi knees me in the side to get my attention. "Move. I have to run this over to the nurses station." How very polite of him.

I move over to the side so he can get up. He's only gone for a minute and when he comes back he takes a seat on the floor right beside me. I blink a few times because I'm not even sure I believe what just happened.

"You looked depressed sitting down here all by yourself." Levi folds his arms across his chest while leaning against the arm chair. 

I probably have the stupidest smile on my face right now, but I don't care. Whether Levi likes me the same way I like him or not, he's treating me like a person. A person he doesn't hate, and that's gotta' count for something, right? I relax against his shoulder and my stomach does flips. I sit there and focus on his breathing, trying to match it with mine. For a little while, I feel great. That is, until I heard a voice I really didn't want to hear.

"Eren?" 

I just got my breathing to coincide with Levi's, but now I'm not breathing at all. He notices, and glances up at the man who just called my name.

"D-dad.." The word comes out shakily and for whatever reason, I feel Levi tense up beside me. 

This shouldn't be happening. Where's Mikasa? She's suppose to be here, not _him_..

Levi stands up. "Come, Eren. I'll accompany you during your visit."

I nod my head and wobble a bit as I stand. It seems odd that Levi is going to join my father and I for our visit. Even when I was on suicide watch, the nurses always left me alone with Mikasa and Annie. That being said, I really don't want to be left alone with him.

Levi and I head out of he common room, and on our way I notice Jean looking at me. I'm not positive, but I'd almost say he looks concerned. 

I don't stop walking once we enter the hallway. I don't want anyone to see whatever might happen next. Once we reach the room I share with Armin, Levi speaks.

"Dr. Yeager, I take it?" Levi offers his hand to my father. "Levi Ackerman. I'm Eren's nurse for the evening." 

_Ackerman. Levi Ackerman.._

Wait.. How did Levi know my dad was a doctor? Is that in my file? I have no idea what's in there, but all the staff who deal with me have to at least skim through it. Though I suppose they do work in the same building and my last name isn't all that common. So that could be it..

My father accepts the handshake and nods. "Yes, had I have known my son was up here I would have come to visit earlier.. My daughter just informed me yesterday."

I'm picking at the skin around my nails. _Dammit._ I should have known Mikasa would say something to him eventually. My dad would never hurt her, so it makes sense that she wouldn't expect he'd do it to me. He never hit me when Mikasa was around. I use to get beat up at school too, so I never really knew which bruises were from dad and which were from bullies. Mikasa assumed they were all from other kids.

"I'm sorry, the rules on confidentiality are rather strict here. And since Eren's not a child, we can't contact anyone without his consent." Levi explains.  
He's acting so different around my father.. His demeanor has totally changed.. He even sounds somewhat polite.

My father pinches the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb. He looks exhausted. "I see. I should have expected as much from a psychiatric ward. Levi, was it? Would I be able to speak with my son alone?"

I feel my stomach churn. I don't want to be left alone with him at all. What am I going to say? He's probably furious that his pathetic excuse for a son tried to take the cowards way out. He'll probably punch me as soon as Levi leaves the room-

"Sorry, Doc. Eren's been put on an extended hold. Myself or another staff member must accompany him at all times." Levi offers him one of the chairs before taking a seat in the other. 

What is he doing? I'm not on an extended watch at all.. In fact, I was released from my 72 hours early.. So he must be lying.. 

_Lying so I don't have to be alone with him.._

Levi pulls a notebook and some earbuds out from his pocket. "Don't worry, I have plenty of work to finish, so I won't be a bother."  
He pops in the earbuds and taps away at the screen on his phone. I figure he's probably scrolling through his music.

My father sighs and pulls the chair closer to where I'm seated on my bed. "Eren." It's barely more than a whisper.

I swallow thickly and attempt to disguise how uncomfortable I am. "H-hi.. Dad."

Other than the soft humming coming from Levi, the room is quiet. Neither of us speak for what feels like forever. It's my dad who breaks the silence between us. 

"Eren.. I know that can't fix what's been done, but please believe me when I say that I'm sorry.. I thought you ran away, I had no idea."

I try to speak but can't find the right words. I sit there blinking dumbly, mouth agape.

I jump when he pulls me into a tight hug. I don't know what to feel right now. I'm confused and hurt, angry and sad. But despite those things, I want to forgive him. I want him to be telling the truth.

"I've been sober for over a week. When I thought you ran away, I stopped drinking.. I wanted to change for you. I hoped you'd come back.." He tightens his grip on me. "You're lucky to be alive.." 

Is he telling the truth? He looks and sounds sober.. I want to believe him so badly..

He releases me from the hug and I remember who was actually supposed to visit me today. "Where's Mikasa? She was going to visit."

My dad adjusts his tie. "I guess her roommate had some sort of family emergency and she went with her. That's why she asked if I'd stop by. She thought I knew you were here the whole time.." 

I wish he would just call Annie what she is- Mikasa's girlfriend. I guess he thinks it's some sort of phase. Anyways, I can tell he's trying to make amends with me, the least I can do is give him another chance.

"It's okay, dad. I forgive you." I look up from my hands and find the faintest of smiles upon his lips. He nods and pats me on the shoulder.

My father's pager goes off letting him know he's got to get back to work. I agree to let him visit me next week before walking him down the hall to say goodbye. 

I'm surprised to find Levi sitting on my bed when I reenter my room. I casually walk over and join him, sitting only a foot away. 

"Levi.. Why did you stay with me when my dad was visiting?" I notice he's staring at the ground when I ask the question.

He slowly lifts his head and meets my gaze. I feel my heart sink when I notice his face. The stoic expression remains, but his eyes are full of sorrow. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to see your father." 

I'm taken aback by what I just heard. My father is finally trying to make things right and now nurse nosy is trying to take that away from me?

"What the hell? He's my dad, why shouldn't he visit me?" I'm annoyed by his sudden mood change.

He shakes his head and averts his attention to the wall across the room. But the next thing he says infuriates me. "Because he abuses you, Eren. He beats you, and we both know it's true." 

I feel by face heat up. I'm enraged and embarrassed. Who the fuck does he think he is? He doesn't know me at all. 

I think back to the first day we met, and that's when I reply with the worst sentence possible. Something I instantly regret.  
"Well, I guess he's no better than you." 

As soon as the words escape my mouth I feel sick. 

The man sitting beside me who always looks so disinterested and aloof is gone.

Levi's eyes say it all. My words hurt him.

And I only feel worse when a tear rolls down his cheek and he chokes out the words,  
"I'm so sorry, Eren."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to end it here. This is why I'm going to try and get the next chapter out asap!   
> I know, I'm awful.


	10. Digging up the Hatchet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi Is confused about his feelings regarding Eren. He wants to put distance between the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, the chapter contains abuse factors and gay slurs.. It may be upsetting to some because it hurt me just writing it.
> 
> I also made some fic art to lighten the mood a bit since this chapter is rather sad. :( So hopefully it cheers you all up a bit! :) 
> 
> http://compulsivegrin.tumblr.com/post/148761853584/i-drew-some-art-from-my-fanfic-since-the-new

**Levi POV**

_Well, I guess he's no better than you._

The words hit me like a ton of bricks. But what can I say? He's right.

The day I met Eren, that Kirstein kid was trying to piss him off. He kept on pushing until Eren finally pushed back. I knew if I didn't separate the two of them immediately, Eren was going to strangle Jean until he passed out. However, I could have done it without nearly breaking the kids ribs.

I literally beat up a kid whose been a victim of abuse for God only knows how fucking long. And I know exactly what that feels like. When I was five years old my mother passed away. I didn't know my father and chances are my mother didn't either, so I was left in my uncle Kenny's custody. He was the only sibling my mom had, and my only remaining family. Kenny was a drug addict with a hell of a gambling problem, and when he was high or angry he would pummel me into unconsciousness. It's nothing short of a God damned miracle I'm not brain dead. On my fifteenth birthday I left home and never looked back. I was homeless for nearly a year until Erwin found me. He was twenty and studying to become a doctor. His parents took me in and helped me back onto my feet. They became my family. 

That doesn't fucking matter though. Regardless of how fucked up my past was, it doesn't excuse what I did to Eren. And I feel terrible. 

"Levi.." 

Eren's voice pulls me from my thoughts. I look up at him and find regret in his eyes. That's when I feel a single tear making it's way down the side of my face.

What the hell is going on? I've spent my whole life building up these metaphorical walls so shit like this doesn't happen. I can't even remember the last time I cried. And maybe that's because I don't let people get anywhere near said walls. So why is this doe eyed kid any different? How could I let the barrier I've worked so hard to create crumble so easily?

I need to get away from him. If I keep working this closely with Eren, I'm afraid I'll break, and I'm not about to let that happen.

I remove myself from Eren's bed and head towards the door, but before I can make it there, i feel Eren's hand wrap around my wrist.

"You have nothing to be sorry for.. I should be apologizing to you." His eyes are focused on mine. Searching them for some sort of reaction.

I yank myself free from his grasp. "You don't deserve to be beat, Eren. And I wish I could take back hurting you."

It's the last thing I say before exiting his room and making my way to the nurses station. I pull my phone out from my pocket and start angrily texting a colleague whom I currently despise.

19:43  
To: Eyebrows  
_Cover my shifts for the next few days. You really fucked up this time._

I can't be here. I'm smart enough to know Eren's persistent and there's no way in hell he's going to leave me alone. I grab my jacket and throw it over my shoulder before I hear my phone buzz in response.

19:45  
From: Eyebrows  
_Levi, what happened?_

"Tch." My thumbs tap at the screen promptly.

19:46  
To: Eyebrows  
_You know damn well what happened, you shit. Mark my next few shifts down as vacation days. I'm shutting off my phone._

"Hey, you alright?" I turn my head and find a concerned Petra sitting a few chairs over. She's so quiet I hadn't noticed her there.

I turn off my phone and slide it back into my pocket. "Sure. I'm heading off a bit early tonight. Keep an eye on Yeager, will you?" 

Petra offers a small smile and nods before returning to the previous task she'd been working on. She's one of the few people I don't mind working with. I'd rather her than Hange any day.

I exit the ward without checking to see whether or not Eren's watching me leave. I take the elevator down to the parking garage, get in my car, and drive off.

\-----

**Eren POV**

The last thing Levi said to me before leaving was that he wished he could take back hurting me. Physically, yes. But mentally? No, he was only doing his job and if he didn't kick me down as hard as he did I probably would have got right back up and left Jean in worse shape than I'd already put him in. Just seeing my dad today was enough to make me freeze. I was completely terrified. When I see Levi, I don't get scared at all because I know his goal wasn't to abuse me. It was to protect Jean. When I was angry, I said something I didn't even mean, and I did it just to get a reaction out of him. But now I feel like an ass, because pain wasn't the reaction I was expecting. I hate that my mouth has a mind of it's own and I wound up hurting someone I care about. I want to run after him, but can't. I'm a psych patient who's not permitted to leave the floor I'm bound to. So instead, I have to watch Levi grab his things and go without looking back at me once. And there's nothing I can do about it, because I'm stuck here living in a cage.

A hand startles me as it pats my back abruptly. I turn around to find a beaming Hange looming over me. 

"What's the matter, Eren? You look glum!"

She's always so peppy.

I look at the ground, holding my arm with the opposite hand. "Uh, nothing. Just wondered where Levi was going, I guess.."

As if her grin could have stretched any further. "Levi, huh? You two have gotten pretty close over the last week or so."

"W-what?" How am I supposed to stay cool when she says things like that? "Uh.. He's not as bad as the patients make him out to be.. That's all.." 

Hange appears intrigued by my response and hums thoughtfully. "Levi's a tough nut to crack, and I've never seen him come of out of his shell this much," she pokes my nose. "You're definitely something special, Eren."

She begins to walk past me. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me." Hange winks before disappearing behind the nurses station, giggling like a maniac. 

Shit. I guess I'm even easier to read than I thought I was.

\-----

Three days have passed since Levi walked out, and he still hasn't returned to work. I can't help but worry that he's never coming back, and that scares the shit out of me. I had an appointment with Erwin on Friday and lied about how I'd been feeling the last few days. I'm not sure why I bother lying since I'm positive he knows when I do it. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm a terrible liar. I tried to casually ask Dr. Smith about Levi's whereabouts, but the only information I received was that Levi's on "vacation" and he'll be returning to work on Monday. It's finally Sunday, so I only have to make it through one more night before seeing the man whose become the center of my thoughts. Petra and Hange have been keeping pretty close tabs on me, which is probably normal since Levi isn't here to do so.

"Yo, Yeager." Jean's voice captures my attention. "Sasha's boyfriend, Connie, brought in some old retro gaming system. What do you say you and I take on Armin and Marco?"

I'm growing to hate that shit eating grin a lot less lately. 

I smirk and follow him into the living space. "You realize those two don't stand a chance, right?"

He scoffs, "No shit. Let's show 'em how it's done."

Jean raises his hand for a high five. Of course I take the bait and he pulls away as I awkwardly fling my hand at the air where his is no longer. While he's busy laughing, I race past him and dive onto the floor, claiming player one's controller. He tries to take it from me but I keep him away at a safe distance with my foot. Armin simply rolls his eyes at the two of us when Jean requests backup.

We play three rounds before passing the controllers onto Hitch, Marlowe, Ymir, and a newer patient named Krista. Jean and I won but not by much. Marco's gaming skills surprised all of us. Armin let's me know he's going on a pass tonight and won't be back until tomorrow morning. I end up joining him in our room to keep him company while he packs a bag for the night.

"So, any idea where Levi's been the last few days?" Armin asks as he sets a neatly folded shirt into his backpack. 

I play with a piece of my bangs. "Not really. All I know is that he's using up some of his vacation days.."

Armin pauses before continuing. "Did something happen?" 

I let out a small sigh. "Yeah. Remember when my dad came to visit on Thursday? Just after he left, Levi and I got into an argument and I said something I shouldn't have. I know it upset him pretty badly.." I wish I could forget how sad he looked.

Armin zips up his bag and joins me on his bed. "Believe it or not, he really does care about you, Eren." His voice is gentle. 

I peer down at my hands. "I really fucked up, Armin. I said something I can't just take back. I don't know what to do. I've never felt this way about anyone.."

Armin places a small hand on my shoulder. "You really like him, don't you?" 

I think for a moment before responding to his question. "Yeah.. I like him a lot."  
I've never actually admitted that I'm interested in Levi before, but it feels good to tell someone. Especially since that someone is Armin.

Not ten seconds later theres' a knock on our partially opened door. 

I look up and see my father. "Oh, hey dad." I smile. 

Armin hops off the bed and let's me know he'll say goodbye before leaving for the night. I wave to my friend and he and my father exchange nods before Armin exits the room.

"No Mikasa today?" I ask while I relocate to my own bed.

My father tosses his jacket onto the dresser. "No. It's Just me." The door clicks shut behind him and I begin to feel a bit uneasy.

"Oh.. Um, that's okay. She was here yesterday anyways.." I'm starting to panic a little. He's covering the distance between us quickly and I feel defenseless. I wish Levi were here.

_Relax Eren, everything's okay now. He's just trying to be a good dad and bury the hatchet between us._

I exhale shakily. That's right. The last time my dad was here he broke down apologizing for everything he'd done. He felt awful. And that's exactly why I agreed to see him again. So really, I shouldn't be afraid. I ignore the red flag feeling in the back of my brain and decide to make the most of our visit. 

"So what's new, dad-" But before I can finish speaking, I feel an all too familiar hand grab hold of my neck and lift me from where I'd been seated. 

_Wait, why is this happening? I thought things would be different.._

I struggle for air as my dad's grasp tightens around my throat. He slams my back into the wall and the pain shoots through my entire body. I'm clawing at his hands, praying they'll release me from the choke hold I'm trapped in.

"What's new? Hmm, I wonder!" His fist collides with my stomach and the pain is unbearable. I spit up blood onto his hand, my shirt, and the floor underneath me. "What's new is that today I found out my son is a fucking faggot!" He spits the words in my face.

He's been drinking, I can smell it on his breath and it's disgusting. He's a fucking liar. Levi was right. I'm an idiot for believing he could change. I try and call for help, but I'm barely even breathing right now. He's crushing my windpipe and I'm starting to feel faint. I'm trying so hard to escape but it's no use. He's nearly twice my size and has me pinned against the wall just high enough so that my feet can't touch the ground.

"I'd rather have no son at all than a fucking fairy! It's a shame you couldn't even kill yourself like a man because you're such bitch!" 

I feel my brow bone crack as he hurls another punch directly into my eye socket. 

I'm almost certain this is where I'm going to die. My ears are ringing, my face feels like it's been shattered, and I'm sure I have some sort of internal bleeding. My eyes flutter open and closed when the choke hold my father has on me is released and I fall to the floor. That's when I hear someone scream.

"You sick bastard!" 

_That voice.._

A few more people enter my room. I can't see their faces from where I'm laying on the ground, but most of the voices sound familiar. They're calling out frantically.

My eyes must have shut because I can't see anything anymore. I can feel myself falling unconscious but before I pass out, I hear the first voice again and realize who it belongs to.

"Hang in there, Eren! You're gonna' be okay, buddy! Just listen to me!" 

And it's Jean's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, but things will look up in the next chapter a bit my lovelies!


	11. A Literal Black Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren returns after the incident to a very concerned Jean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! I am so very sorry about this late chapter. I started a new job serving/ bar tending, so it's been a lot of training. And I totally slipped and fell, thus injuring myself, so I took a couple days off. I actually have a beer exam tomorrow as well (yes, that's a real exam), but I just had to get this done. It was totally eating at my conscience. I worked pretty hard on this chapter, so I hope it's what everyone hoped it would be. <3 
> 
> While writing the chapter I switched up the music I usually listen to. Typically, I like to listen to the Tokyo Ghoul OST or the Your Lie In April OST, however, today I thought I'd share a few of the songs that really helped me get through this chapter.  
> Sigur Ros- Saeglopur  
> Daughter- Medicine  
> Keaton Henson- You  
> Mogwai- Take Me Somewhere Nice

**Jean POV**

It's nearly eleven and I'm pacing back and forth in the common room to the sound of thunder. 

"Jean.. Please come sit down.." I must be making Marco nervous. That, or he's scared of storms.

I stop in the middle of the room and stare blankly at him. I've been not so patiently waiting for Eren to return. He was taken down to emerge shortly after I found him beaten to a pulp by Grisha. Father of the year, am I right? Hange promised me he's okay but I'm refusing to go back to my room until I can confirm that for myself. Eren better get back here soon though, because it's well past when patients should be locked up in their cages for the night. That, and Hange's having a hard time convincing Nile to let me stay out here. Nile's a total prick.

I think back to the shit show I'd recently witnessed. It was pure dumb luck that Marco asked me to return a book he'd borrowed from Armin. I'm just glad it wasn't Marco who walked in on Eren being knocked around like a rag doll.

Only a few minutes after I'd finally agreed to sit down, I hear the doors to the ward click and swing open.  
I'm about to jump up and race into the hallway, but Marco's hand gently takes hold of my wrist and stops me.

"Jean.. I know you want to help and make sure he's alright, but you need to take a deep breath first. Eren's probably feeling exhausted and hurt- both mentally and physically. Try and put yourself in his shoes, okay?" Marco offers a soft smile before letting go.

This is why I fell for Marco. He cares so damn much about everybody and always puts others first. Marco was admitted to Trost's Memorial Hospital for PTSD nearly four months ago. I came in a couple weeks later and found myself drawn to the tall freckled boy, which annoyed me since I was trying so hard to be straight. Marco's the only boyfriend I've had, and only the second guy I've actually been interested in. If I admitted who the first was, I'm not sure I'd let myself live it down.

I decide to take Marco's advice and give Eren a minute to enter the ward. Reiner and Bertolt come into view first. They look disgusted and once I see Eren for myself, I feel like I might get sick. The entire right side of his face is fucked. I don't think I've ever seen a literal black eye until this moment. Above that, there's a row of stitches and more swelling than you can imagine, as well as the bruising on his throat in the shape of Dr. Yeager's hand. He's also holding his stomach, barely shuffling through the hall and Bertolt's holding his arm in an attempt to keep Eren standing. If it wasn't for his messy brown mop and the key necklace dangling loosely around his neck, I wouldn't have known who this poor bastard was. Besides the obvious physical damage that Eren's shit excuse for a father has caused, it's plastered all over his face how much pain he's in emotionally.

Suddenly I'm closing the gap between us and abandoning the plan Marco advised me to stick to. How can I give him time to be by himself? I'm familiar with that look on his face, and the second they leave Eren alone in his room, he's going to lose his shit. I know because I've done the same. His forum is long over and Levi isn't back yet. Levi's the only one who keeps tabs on Eren. Armin offered to stay, but reluctantly went on his pass for the night when staff assured him Eren was safe and his grandpa was already on his way. It was probably for the best. That kid's a bundle of nerves and anxiety, and seeing his friend like this would likely give him nightmares. Hell, it may even give _me_ nightmares.

once I reach Eren, I wrap my arms around him gently. I don't know how much damage has been done internally, so I'm careful not to cause him any additional pain. It's been about seven years since the last time I hugged him, and I can't help but feel shitty about that. I was a lousy friend and treated him like dirt when he needed me the most.

"Hey." I hear myself say.

Eren doesn't speak, but he does relax a little in my arms. Hange nods, letting Bertolt and Reiner know they can go. She's been tapping away at her phone for the last twenty minutes or so, I'm guessing it's work related. And likely about Grisha. 

"Jean, if you'd like, you can help Eren back to his room." Hange approaches us just before I end the hug. "Would that be alright with you, Eren?" 

Eren barely nods, but we take it as a 'yes'. I look towards Marco who is currently wearing a beautiful smile. Somehow it's both happy and sad. He places a hand on my shoulder before letting me know he's going back to our room. Hange leaves us to it and heads off towards the nurses station. 

I notice Eren wobble a bit, so I hurry to his side and slip an arm around his waist to stabilize him. "Let's get you to your room, Yeager." 

\-----

I stand by Eren's bed while he changes into a shirt that isn't stained with blood. It's not hard to believe someone was mercilessly beaten here a few hours ago. The atmosphere is strange, the air is thick, and the silence is unsettling. There's a dent in the wall where Eren's head collided with it, and some dried blood on the floor directly below which the clean team somehow missed. 

He climbs into his bed and sinks into the corner of the wall.

"You don't have to stay.." Eren cuts the silence lingering between us. "I'll be fine."

I barely allow him time to finish his sentence. "Like hell you will be! Don't be stupid, nobody would be fine after what you just went through."

Eren's eyes dart away from mine and he squeezes at his arm. I know he's embarrassed that I found him in such a sorry state, I know I would be too. He looks defeated, and before I realize it, I'm spilling my story to him.

"Look Eren, I don't know exactly how you feel, but I've had my share of being sad." I take a seat at the edge of Armin's bed before starting. 

"My dad always had a short temper and used to hit my mom when he was pissed off. When I was six he hit me because I wouldn't eat my dinner. Mom was so angry she screamed at him to get out, and he did. Never came back, either. It was my fault he left and all I could do was sit there and watch my mother cry.."  
I pause for a few seconds, tracing the lines on my pajama bottoms with my index finger.  
"Anyways, I left home when I was sixteen and started messing around with drugs and alcohol. I barely remember the past three years because I was so fucked up on coke. I ran into my mom at the corner store while buying smokes roughly four months ago, and she looked ten years older even though it had only been three since I'd seen her last. She begged me to come home and told me ten times how sorry she was for not being the parent I needed."  
I pause, trying to shake the thought from my memories.  
"That broke me, Eren. She never did anything wrong. In fact, she was the best damn mom I could have asked for. I was coming down from a high and feared she would be able to tell I was using, so I completely ignored her and just left. The guilt I felt started to eat away at me. A few days later around four in the morning, I decided I'd had enough and totally lost it. I did a line, left the apartment, and walked a few blocks alongside the road before finally jumping in front of a car. " 

Eren looks baffled, which is fair since he had no clue I tried to kill myself as well.

"Geez, don't look so down, obviously I was unsuccessful. The guy driving hit his brakes and barely left me with a bit of bruising. When I found out you were here because you tried to off yourself too, I was pissed. You almost died. Mine's more of a funny story-"

"Don't." Eren cuts me off. "It's not funny at all. It's terrible. You were hurting bad enough to want to die. That's heart wrenching, not comical!" 

I can see fire in his eyes- or eye, rather. That's the Eren I used to know. I exhale and relax a little seeing that he's not so 'out of it' anymore.

I shrug. "I guess so."

I'm trying to decide whether or not he should be left alone tonight when the door flies open aggressively and reveals a slightly out of breath Levi.

He's wet from the rain and carrying a duffel bag. He then glares at me which I take as my cue to leave. I knew these two were spending lots of time together, but I didn't realize they were becoming so close. If Levi viewed Eren simply as an patient, he wouldn't have left his house at midnight in a torrential downpour and showed up here in a panic.

_I bet Levi's the one Hange was texting.._

I hop off Armin's bed and wave to Eren. "Ill, uh, see you tomorrow?" Rhetorical, of course.

Eren meets my gaze after a moment. "Oh, ah, yeah.." He's understandably distracted by the frazzled looking man standing in the door frame.

Levi steps to the side making room for me to pass by, but just before I reach the door, Eren says my name.

I take a step back into the room.

"Thanks for all your help tonight." He's smiling gently and I can tell how much he means it.

"Don't mention it, Yeager." I smirk and pull the door shut behind me.

-

**Levi POV**

"Eren, oh god.." Any ounce of composure I told myself I would hold on to when arriving here just flew the fuck out the window.

I was sitting at home when Erwin called me a half an hour ago, and I swear I live at least twenty five minutes away from the hospital. I threw a bag together and left, running at least two red lights on the drive here. Hange's the one who texted Erwin, and eyebrows chose to wait thirty minutes before informing me of the situation. He specifically asked that I 'please remain calm', and promised he'd handle everything in the morning. I told him he could sit there with his thumb up his ass all he wanted, but nothing would stop me from going to see Eren. I owe him at least that much.

I'm not stupid, I know this wouldn't have happened if I'd been at work today like I was supposed to be. Once again I've proven to Eren that I'm a shitty person. If I'd known Eren was in any real danger though, I never would have taken time off. I let my personal issues get in the way of a patients safety; No, scratch that. He's not just some fucking patient I'm stuck working with. He's not just a responsibility, or a task. He's Eren.

The sight of his injuries make my blood boil. I swear, If I ever see that piece of shit Dr. Yeager again, I'll kill him.  
I rush to his bed and refuse to respect any personal space he wishes I would give him. I toss my bag onto the floor, climb into his bed, and pull him against my chest in a desperate hug.

It takes him a few seconds to adjust, but soon he's accepting it and holding onto me as if he's afraid I'll disappear. Which would be a very understandable concern he has.

"Levi," He whispers. "you came."

Eren still wants me around. And if I'm being truthful, I'm thankful he does. I've spent so much time trying to distance myself from this hot headed boy thinking it was best for me, but I was miserable. The last few days I took off have been absolute fucking nonsense. I just paced around the house moping about aimlessly, begging my brain to forget Eren Yeager. He came into my life fast and hard with no warning, but now it seems strange to picture the ward without him.

"I'm here now, Eren. And I'm not going anywhere." I press my cheek against the top of his head and kiss it softly. I did the same thing when he woke up from that nightmare he'd had about his mother a week and a bit ago.

He looks up at me with hope dancing in one big, beautiful eye. I can't actually see the other because it's swollen shut. "You're going to sit with me until I fall asleep?"

I scoff and shake my head. "No." I begin. But before I can finish, disappointment spreads across his face like the fucking plague.

"Hey, let me finish, brat. I'm not leaving once you fall asleep. I'm staying." I brush the hair out of his good eye and it widens at the realization of my words.

He smiles before burying his face into my chest. I can feel myself smile, too.

\-----

Tonight's become a blur. I've completely let my guard down and allowed Eren to see a side of me I've worked so hard to conceal. Of course I'm interested in Eren and I want nothing more than to make this brat mine. However, there's one big component I hadn't thought of when I burst in here tonight wearing my heart on my sleeve. Now here I am, lying in Eren's bed with my arm around his waist, suddenly becoming aware of the situation.

I'm a nurse, and Eren is a patient. Whatever I just initiated between the two of us is unquestionably _not_ allowed to happen.


	12. Cherry Candies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi's evening together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What better way to celebrate the new season of AOT than with a new- much anticipated- chapter of Head Sick!
> 
> So I'm going to summarize why I'm so late posting. Back in September I was going through a lot of crap, much like Eren does in the story. I was having a rough go and really needed the time to take care of myself. Back in January, I found out I'm pregnant. I wanted to pick back up on this fic, but I was very sick the first trimester and only started feeling more like myself a few weeks ago. 
> 
> Anyways, I'm so sorry it took so long. And I'm really hoping to get back into the swing of this fic, because I really do love it. Thank you to all of you who patiently waited and are still reading. It means so much, and I swear you guys and your kind words are what keeps me going. So thank you!
> 
> Please enjoy the new chapter, I think you'll all really love it! ;)

**Eren POV**

My body jerks awake after yet another bad dream. Though I'm not even sure I can call it that.  
I shudder, unable to shake the horror movie stuck on loop from within my mind. I watch my feet kick manically as I dangle from my fathers grasp. I fall to the floor the same way I had when it really happened, but this time Jean doesn't find me, and my dad continues to beat me into the floor. That's the only way I can be sure it truly wasn't real.

If the height of the moon and blackness of the night are any indication of the time, I'd guess it's around two.

About halfway through turning onto my side, I freeze in sheer horror. Something isn't right. 

_Oh no._

I shift a bit more, confirming my revulsion. The clean, dry pajama pants I'd word to bed are cool, damp, and clinging to my thighs. Even the bed sheet underneath me is soaked right through.  
My heart is racing, but the hurried beats pounding against my chest come to an abrupt halt when the blanket mound to my left moves ever so slightly.  
Remembering Levi is under those blankets launches my stomach up into my throat faster than any roller coaster ever has. 

_Ah, don't panic! Don't puke! If he wakes up, puke will only gross him out more.. Oh God.._

As if pissing the bed alone wasn't humiliating enough, I just did so with with a guy, whom I have a crush on, laying right beside me. It's absolutely mortifying!  
If the windows on the ward could open, I guarantee I already would have jumped from mine.  
I try to calm down and take a couple deep breaths before sliding out of bed cautiously. Waking Levi is the last thing I want to do. I hurry to the bathroom, cringing when my boxers stick to my ass and junk, and I begin rummaging through the cupboard for towels. I grab three, soaking one with soapy water. After gathering the towels, I creep back into my room and start gently scrubbing at the dark circle on my sheet. Each and every time Levi so much as breathes, panic shoots through my body and I begin crafting up a lie about why I'm spot cleaning my bed.

Once I'm finished, I use one of the dry towels to soak up whatever water is left behind, and leave the last atop the wet patch to continue the drying process. I search my drawer only to find I'm out of clean shirts, aside from the one for tomorrow. I decide to go back to bed shirtless, but grab new bottoms before heading into the washroom to clean myself up.

I feel a bit of relief while washing my inner thighs with a warm cloth.  
I'm leaning against the shower wall, curtain wide open, when the bathroom door opens and I nearly jump out of my skin. My thoughts are in order as follows,  
One. Jesus fucking Christ, that scared the shit out of me.  
Two. Oh God, it's Levi.  
Three. This is the second time Levi's seen me naked, and both have been during extraordinarily embarrassing situations.

"Ah! Um.. Levi! I, uh.. I just woke up and was, ah.." I sputter and stumble on my word, as usual. In my next life, I hope I'm a better liar.

Levi takes a couple steps into the bathroom, obviously unaffected by my nudity, and holds up the towel I'd left on my bed. I can feel my face burning a deep shade of red as I try to lie about the evidence I'd stupidly left behind. 

Levi sighs and rubs at his temple. "Eren, finish up and put some clothes on for fucks sake." 

I shriek in humiliation when he starts washing the soiled towels in the sink. "Ah! Levi, don't! I'll wash those. I just woke up really sweaty, you know? And the sheets were all damp and gross so I thought I'd try to wash them and uh.." I trail off when he rolls his eyes.

"Eren, these towels and your sheets smell like piss. I'm not stupid, nor was I born yesterday." 

I might pass out. My face is scorching and can surely be mistaken for a ripe tomato. I've never been this humiliated in my entire life.

\-----

Ten minutes of uncomfortable silence and fifty shades of red later, the sheets, towels, blanket, and mattress cover have all been tossed into the hamper, and clean up is complete. I shut my eyes, desperately trying to prevent tears from escaping. I feel like absolute shit.

I can't think of a single reason why I shouldn't die. I can't think of a single person who wouldn't be better off without me.

I'm the worthless let down of a son that my father tried to strangle to death.  
I'm the pitiful burden of a brother that Mikasa is forced to work into her otherwise pleasant life.  
I'm the insensitive, selfish prick who causes Armin additional anxiety.  
I'm the useless damsel in distress that would have suffocated without my 'Jean in shining armor'.  
And last but not least, I'm the horny, homosexual bed wetter whom a good looking guy like Levi could never love.  
I'm Eren Yeager; just a stupid kid _nobody_ could ever love..

My spiral into self loathing is interrupted when Levi tosses a clean blanket at my face. I should thank him, but I can't even look in his general direction. Even now, my cheeks are warm and probably a tone that reflects my embarrassment. I ball the clean bedding up and bury the lower half of my face into it.  
When I feel Levi sit down beside me, my gut twists with that familiar feeling of fear. 

"Eren." His voice is low. 

My muscles are quick to tense up. I'm waiting for him to yell, tell me that I blew my chances, or swing at me..  
But nothings happening.

Just as I peer up over my literal safety blanket, Levi reaches out for my face. I flinch and pull back, bumping my head against the wall.

"Easy, Jeager," His voice is soft. "You're lucky that skull of yours is made of brick, or you'd have some pretty serious brain damage by now.." The man kneeling in front of me still has his hand out. He appears to be waiting for me to calm down. 

I take a deep breath and gently nod as our eyes meet. The extended hand continues, slowly, to my right cheekbone. He examines the damage, gently tracing the swelling with his thumb. 

"Tch.." He looks away for a few seconds but his hand never leaves my face. "Eren, it's.. This is all my fault. I was so stupid, I-"

"No, no it's not,"

_How can he possibly blame himself for this?_

"there's no way I can let you take the blame for something _he_ did!" My words clearly aren't convincing him, because he continues his ridiculous apology.

"Eren, please, let me speak. A few days ago I walked out on you. You're my responsibility, yet I left you here all by yourself. Hell, I even called you out on being abused, which was an unbelievably shitty thing for me to do. I handled the situation all wrong, so of course you were upset. For fucks sake, of all people I should know those situations are sensitive." 

There's a brief moment of silence before Levi picks up where he'd left off.

"When I was younger, Dr. Smith's family took me in. It took well over a year before I was comfortable enough to answer any questions Erwin had for me. I was scared and didn't want anyone to know the truth about my past. Even though I was cold and distant for an unreasonably long time, they always treated me like family. I'd be lying if I said opening up about my situation got any easier with time, because it honestly didn't. The Smith's know a lot about me, but there's not one person who knows everything. I used to believe that some things were just too heavy to burden others with, but I was wrong, Eren. There's nothing worse than suffering alone, take it from a guy whose done precisely that for the past thirty years."

Levi begins tracing my jawline with his thumb. His voice is quieter when he continues.

"My point is that I never should've let my emotions get in the way of your safety. Sure, what you said hurt me, but you weren't exactly wrong. I promise if I could rewrite the day we met, I would do so in a heartbeat. I'm so sorry I let you down."

I look down into my lap and realize he's now taken hold of my hands. Levi just offered me the most genuine apology I've ever heard in my life. I had no idea he was taken in by Dr. Smith's family, and I certainly didn't realize he was also a victim of abuse.  
My father used to apologize after each and every beating. Words are cheap, at least they were coming from him. But I really do trust Levi, especially after the guy spilled his heart out to me. Besides, when I'm with Levi I feel safe, and that's a feeling I surely never associated with my father.

I don't try to stop myself from tossing my arms around Levi and smoldering him in an unnecessarily tight hug.  
"Levi, I forgive you. And I'm so sorry I.. You know, the bed.. While you were in it.. I swear that hasn't happened for a really long time!" I'm crimson all over again.  
He squeezes back and tells me it's okay. 

We sit there chatting for a while. Levi admits that he used to wet the bed back when he was in his uncles custody, but when his uncle found out he would beat him, and the bed wetting stopped shortly after. Thank goodness my dad never found out.. I always rid of the evidence as quickly as I could.  
During out late night chat, my stomach groans so loudly I'm afraid I may have woken up my neighbors. 

Levi smirks. "Hungry?"

I place my hand over my stomach and explain to him that I hadn't eaten since dinner due to all the commotion.  
Levi hops off the bed momentarily and starts rummaging through his bag as soon as he reaches the dresser. He returns with a granola bar, a big shiny green apple, and sour cherry candies.

He presents them to me and I decide to take the apple and the candies. Sour cherry is one of my favorites.

While finishing up my apple, Levi pops a few sour cherries into his mouth and I suddenly remember something he said while apologizing.

"Hey, Levi.. When you said sorry, you mentioned something about bottling everything up for thirty years, right?" I stare at him, awaiting his response.

Levi rubs the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb. "And I presume you're now curious about my age?"

 _I don't want to piss him off.. Maybe age is a sensitive topic?_

I proceed with caution. "Well, maybe a little.. But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." 

In my head, I sound nonchalant about it, but I'm sure he can sense the curiosity in my tone. 

Levi sighs. "Thirty six."

"What?! No way! You barely look twenty six!" I blurt out.

"Shh!" He puts his index finger flush against my lips. "Jesus, Eren. It's nearly three in the morning."

I'm pretty sure it's wrong of me to be even more turned on by the fact that this man is nearly two times my age. But I can't help it, I just want him so bad..

Before Levi removes his hand from my face, I'm hit with a considerable amount of.. Bravery?  
No, it's definitely more like stupidity. Stupidity and hormones.

I part my lips ever so slightly, allowing just enough space for my tongue to slip through. It glides up and down his finger, which remains pressed up against my mouth.  
I start to panic and my heart threatens to jump out of my chest as I await a repulsed reaction from the much older man in front of me.. Of course I'm rather shocked when, instead of pulling away, Levi's smooth and slim digit begins to caress my bottom lip. 

All the blood in my body has been evenly distributed between two parts of me. One, my face, and two.. My dick.  
Part of me wants to get up and run. I have no clue what I'm doing! Levi's in his thirties, and showing zero signs of panic. Obviously it would have been stupid of me to think he hasn't done this stuff before!

_Shit.. Maybe It's not too late to back out.._

"Eren." Levi's voice is low, sultry, and truly hypnotizing. "What is it you want?"

What _do_ I want? Sex? Love? Companionship? I want all of those things and more! I want to know everything there is to know about Levi Ackerman. But right now, I'll settle for just about anything as long as he's involved.

I swallow the lump in the throat before I work up the courage to answer his question.

"You." 

_So much for backing out._

It's barely a whisper, and at first, I'm unsure whether or not Levi had heard me..  
That is until he swiftly replaces the finger in my mouth with his tongue.

Some small 'squeeking' noises escape my throat, but they don't last. The mouse like muffles quickly become pussy cat purrs as I melt into his arms. It doesn't take long before I'm quite literally sucked into our make out session and doing the best I can to mimic the moves he makes.  
Levi tastes like cherry candies and smells like what I can only describe as a grassy forest after a light spring rain. The combination of both are completely intoxicating.

I grab onto the front of Levi's shirt gasping for air when he breaks the kiss. 

_No no.. Don't go.. I need more._

Levi scoffs while trying to conceal a grin. "Is that a pout, Yeager?" 

I feel my cheeks burst into flames, "What? No.. I mean, I just.. Didn't want you to.." I trip and tumble over my words making an absolute fool of myself.

"Stop?" My unbearably sexy nurse shushes me for the second time in ten minutes. He mouths a trail of kisses down my neck before gently taking the skin underneath my collarbone between his deliciously pink lips. I close my eyes and attempt to regain just an ounce of composure, to no avail. At precisely that moment, Levi takes one of my nipples into his perfect mouth and I lose my mind.

"Ah, Levi! Stop, it's too sensitiv- nngh!" I can only imagine how disgraceful I must look right now.. And how disgusted my father would be.

I suddenly tense up, and it doesn't go unnoticed. 

Levi's expression has changed into a sad mix of half concern, half guilt. 

_Oh no, Please don't stop.._

I can tell he thinks that _I_ think I've made a mistake. I start spewing out an explanation, hoping to rid of that look on his face. "Levi, I'm so sorry. Everything was going so well and I screwed it up because I started thinking about how embarrassing I must look and then I thought about how appalled _he_ would have been if he knew what I was doing, but I didn't want to stop! I hate him so much, and I want you so bad and.." I choke on the last couple of words. 

Levi wipes the tears from my eyes and pulls my head into his chest. "Shh. Everything's going to be okay, Eren." He rubs my back in a motion similar to the one my mother used on Mikasa and I when we were little, and It makes me feel at home.

Everything seemed okay..

That is, until a certain night nurse entered my room without knocking and found me in bed with another staff member.

"Eren?! LEVI?!"

Busted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About damn time, amiright?


End file.
